My PTSD and anxiety
I graduated from university three years ago. I was dating a guy who was a year younger than me, wasn't in university yet because of his own depression and indecisiveness about what to do with his life, and who was a different race from me. We were very much in love and wanted to move in together. I told my parents, who came halfway across the world for my graduation, and they freaked. They took away my phone and laptop while I was staying with my aunt anduncle (though I managed to get my phone back by agreeing to let them keep the phone chip so I could listen to music), and made me sleep in the room my mom was sleeping in so they could make sure I wouldn't call anyone. They told me that there was no way I could stay because my dad was so stressed out by my being away that it was taking a toll on his health. Then, they agreed that taking my phone away was wrong, gave back my laptop and we went about all the details of getting a new phone plan for myself, setting up a new bank account so that I could live on my own, and compromise by staying with my uncle rather than living with my then-boyfriend. Finally, they agreed to meet my boyfriend and his dad. The entire time we were there (my mom and dad, aunt and uncle, boyfriend and his father, and me), I was made to sit next to my mother and I was so scared that it wasn't going to work out. Turns out, my fears were validated, because the next day, my parents took away my phone chip again, moved me out of my dorm, threw out half my clothes and booked a flight back to my birthplace, where my parents still live. I was shell-shocked and only had the presence of mind to beg my parents to let me see my boyfriend one last time. They refused, and finally compromised between that and calling him from my birthplace, by letting me call him from the airport. I broke up with him, because I didn't think we'd see each other again. I moved back in with my parents after all of that emotional manipulation for 9 months. During that time, my parents found out about some sins in my past and slut-shamed me for it, especially for having sex with my boyfriend. I was banned from social media and ever speaking to any of my friends again. I managed to create a secret email and contacted a friend, who sent all my emails to my then ex-boyfriend. Eventually, the isolation, depression and anxiety got to me and I planned to leave. Long story short, (too late!), I ran away from my parents' and back across the sea to my boyfriend. My family and I are now seeing a family therapist (started the same year I went back to my boyfriend), who has been amazing. I came back to visit last year for two weeks to make amends to my brother and repair some bridges with the rest of my family. I'm back here, but this time for two months, because I'm helping to look after my Alzheimer's, dementia and diabetes-ridden grandmother for a month (while her regular caretaker is on vacation). I know my parents want me to stay longer than two months, and my ticket back home hasn't been booked yet. My now-fiance and I haven't been apart for so long since I left and even though I've only been back for 5 days, it feels like ages. I'm filled with anxiety about getting into the school of my choice, whether or not my parents will help me pay for it and being able to get a ticket back for the end of July. Plus, being back in the house where all this trauma happened for so long is taking its toll. Help?
And now,I just had my first chat with my parents. *sigh* They're really serious about me applying to an online Psych Master's - the deadline is June 10 (day I'm meant to see my counsellor), and they want me to at least apply - the application is $2000 of my birthplace's currency, and they really want me to do this, because a) it'll take only 1 year, b) they'll get to see me more, because I'd have to go back to my birthplace for 2 weeks every 3 months (FUCKING HELL NO), c) Counselling pays better than Social Work (I don't care about that), d) they want me and my fiance to be on the same level financially and educationally (newsflash, if I did the online Master's and got a Canadian job in the universe where pigs fly, my fiance and I wouldn't be on the same level, I'd be working before him. As it is, I will be working before him, but with the BSW and MSW, I'd be doing my Bachelor's and Master's at the same time he is, e) they honestly think I'm interested in Counselling only, when I really want to work in Family Health in the new task forces they have at homewhere doctors, psychiatrists and social workers work together. Or at a women's clinic/shelter. I'm so tired, I didn't argue with them, but God...PTSD flaring all over the damn place. On top of that, I've been displaced from the bed I've been given because my brother's cleaning his room. I wanna come home. I feel like a whiny baby for saying that, but I really, really wanna come home. Help? Please?
This is an awful lot to process for me, and so I can only imagine what it's like for you. I must tell you that I spent a lot of time in my years trying to make others happy, from family to peers. Furthermore, I was told about my sins, my issues, my problems, and it caused me great anxiety. Nothing causes more anxiety than misguided judgmentfrom those that should be there to love and care for us. I have learned that the things that are important are to love yourself and others. Satisfying other people's misguided expectations of us is really not healthy as it causes a lot of anxiety.
I just want you to know that I am sorry, and I do hope that you find what will fufill your life's journey. I want you to be happy and I want you to provide that gift of helping others to the world How you do that is your choice, and I just hope your parents can sort out a way to support you, regardless of what you do.
Thank you for your support. From the sound of it, you think I should stand up for myself.
I always think that phrase sounds adversarial or angry in a way. I do, however, think doing things long term for people to make them happy instead of feeding your own soul can be incredibly stressful, depressing, and emotionally straining. To maintain mental and emotional health, you have to be the best "you" you can be. If that version doesn't mesh up with what others think you ought to be doing, well, that's just unfortunate.
The other side of this is that you may fail. Failure is treated in our society as the worst thing in the world but that's just silly There is not one single success that can be identified in the history of our world that was ever accomplished without failure prior. You have to fail. It's has to happen if you are to succeed. Seems pretty cut and dried simple but how many of us get hung up, anxiety, depressed, over the top emotional pain out of something that is simply a part of the journey of our lives and basically has to happen?
Stand up for yourself? I dunno, but accepting yourself and encouragingothers to accept you for who you are? Maybe that's a better way of putting it. I wish you luck and love!!
My daughter, then 13 years old got knocked over by a car and was thrown over the bonnet of a car, lost consciousness when crossing road, after crossing the road. I was not told about it but wondered why she has difficulties crossing the road. She is staying with grandparents they made her swear not to tell me, despite her being taken to hospital to have to have gravel plucked from skin. She has been given no therapy and they laugh at her for being unable to cross the road. There is a very. Complex situation, but parents/her grandparents very manipulative/emotional abusers. But have a very good public face, show as a wonderful couple/very dysfunctional. She also has flashbacks of this event, I have tried to help her, but she is a very deep child, she has started talking to herself, when asked how she is she clams up, you can't assess how she is feeling. She also has obsession with carrying possessions in bag, she needs to feel her possessions are safe. She is beginning to open up to me, but she feels conflicted, can't work out what to say to grand parents and me. She has stood up for me and been hurt by grandparents for doing so. She is now 15 16 in October, she has just lost her boyfriend, which really shook her. I have tried to be there for her, which softened blow, I think. Please any suggestions gratefully rmmany thanks, best wishes eceived