Past memories still haunt me
When I was thirteen, I got really sick and I had to be hospitilized for a week. It was my first time in a hospital, I usually had the occasional doctor visit but never an overnight stay. That alone was scary. However, what I couldn't get out of my head is how I was treated. We all know how bad the emergency room can be but that was not what's bothering me. I was passed out during that time. What bothered me was that no one told me what they were doing as they did it. One act is very private so I'm not going to talk about other then they respected my privacy and only the doctor was present for that. The other one was a total violation. So, as I said I was just thirteen and my parents only visited during lunch break and after work and I was too sick to be able to speak much. Though the nurse was very nice to me and treated me kindly, he allowed something that still haunts me today. I think some people will say that it is not a big deal and they would argue but I think they could have done it very differently. It's nothing other than an electrocardiography. I have seen them do it to an old lady through the curtains on my first day and I felt bad how they didn't pay more attention to her privacy. When the nurse brought the machine to my room he brought with him a string of interns. So there I was, surrounded by more than six grown ups watching my naked and quite developped torso. I get that he wanted to show them how it was done and I get it that they just see it as a job and that those interns have the right to learn. I get all of that but I was a kid, insecure my breasts started developping and I hated the way the looked. And I watched as men and women stared mainly at that area. I wanted to cry but I was too tired to do anything. I averted my eyes and pretended they weren't there. I didn't tell my parents, I didn't tell anybody for a long time. It just kept coming to my mind from time to time and I wondered if they had the right to do that, if they should have asked my permission, if the nurse could have covered me up with a blanket of a towel. Or was it because I was a kid, I was short and skinny and they thought it was okay because maybe there was nothing to see. But there was, for me at least especially that I had one which was slightly bigger then the other and that drove me crazy. My sister, many years later, started studying physiotherapy and she interned as a nurse for a couple of months. I asked her how patients should be treated and she told me about all the ways to respect their bodies. That was the first time, I opened up about that incident.
After that, the feelings of guilt started. I was ashamed that I let it happen, I was angry that they violated my trust, I was sad that they took advantage of my vulnerability.
It still crosses my mind and I hope no one has to go through that but now I know it's not my fault and I learned to accept my body with all it's imperfections. Maybe parents should talk to their girls about this before they leave them alone in hospitals. I don't know, I just wanted to share the story, maybe this can help someone.
@tinybb
It is not only girls who suffer this humiliating trauma. I am a man and all my surgeries had them done in University Hospitals. I must mention I am very pudic for no reason at all but just that I am so. It was traumatic for me be looket at by teams of people and beyound medical decency...not only my private genitals were not covered (my surgeries were close but had nothing to do with my genitals at all, my tumours were on my inner thigh...), but a total lack of respect and utmost mockery. There were times when I was scolded by doctors why I keep my underwear on, then when I took my underwear off as expected people scolded...teach us procedures and don't humiliate us! When first I went to take out the stitches I waited for the nurse stripped down on a bed and about 30 people took pictures of me without my approuval with giggles and comments...when I protested to being treated like this they told me if I don't like it, I can as well walk out of a University hospital...
Time came when I didn't really care for what they did or said, when you are at the edge of life nothing else matters...not even when they stripped me down to take my molds for my radiotherapy or the techs commenting that I was too bushy....
All the radiotherapy or scan techs made obnoxious comments about pacients like :"oh we had to wait so much time, this one had huuge boobs" (they were talking about a 63 years old lady...) and I had to hear all their comments...
As Iwas a smoker I had to smoke with nurses and docs and what my ears heard them tell about pacients almost schocked me and wanted me to do unthinkable things to them...but I will spare your space of such horrifying things...abuses in hospitals occur at all ages, genders or levels, deliberate or by lack of consideration...
I am sorry you had this experience so early...
I live in Nottinghamshire England. A fairly urban area with a lot of countryside surrounding it. it's a fairly rough area. A lot of Drugs, gangs and violence. My dad used to be a trapper (he sold heroin and crack cocaine). I saw a lot growing up. People kicking the door down with machetes, police constantly harassing. A lot of really nasty violent encounters. One of which was watching my mum get assaulted and beat when I was 5-6 years old. I'm 17 now and my mums been dead since 2017. All I can think about since losing her is that day years ago. Because of the attack my mum was anxious and depressed. She began drinking and smoking a lot. Her health declined. I do blame what them people did to her for her not being here today. All I cant think about is hurting these people. I want to get really fucking creative. I'll lose 25 years of my life the moment I get hold of one.
