Sexually Assaulted

No means no and in your situation you said no so of course it's to be drastic as you explain it. Guys have this thing in their head that a girl wants them and no is easily swayed. I cannot tell you ways to recover from this with sleep and over thinking habits but please understand you did the best in that situation and either didn't want to antogonize or confront it. I hope you find it in time to look past it and if not please talk about it to let out all your emotions of it

hi Sarah

i am so sorry to hear of the horrors that man put you through :(

you said no. that right there should have been when he stopped. he is a horrible man to push you past your limit and violate you like that

i'm a sexual assault survivor too. i'm always here if you need to talk. i find it hard to not blame myself, too. it really is hard

i am here hon

Hi, I ve been through a similar situation though in this case it was my ex boyfriend. We had recently broken up and he sexually assulted me even though I said no. I too didnt fight back as much as I could have.It still affects me and I understand how easy it is to blame yourself for that but the guy is the jerk here and its not your fault. You have to realise that. You telling him no once was enough and you did so numerous times. And it is drastic, its not a small thing. I am here for you if you ever wanna talk :)

I understand that but you need to know that you were a victim and you shouldn't feel like you don't have a right to feel hat way. You did what you thought would get you out of that situation the fastest.Also, maybe the fact that you knew the guy made it tough for you to fight back the way you would ve had it been a stranger. Don't beat yourself up over it

It isvery very normal not to fight back. You did what you could in that moment and blaming yourself for it doesn't change the fact that hedidn't have to assault you. He didn't have to do what he did, which makes him, and onlyhim​ to blame.

Her hon, I really encourage you to tell the police. But if you're not ready to make that move I do encourage you to talk to a therapist or even others on here. I have just been sexually assaulted as well and I know it wouldn't be healthy to keep it in, so please talk about it. I'm here to talk whenever you need to.

And Don't you dare feel pathetic! It wasn't your fault and he had no right to touch you.

Have you ever tried analyzing this from his perspective or even talking about it with him? I think that it would be really beneficial to you.

When I read you story (I've read every post here up til now) I had a lot of mixed feelings. I definitely understand your pain and feel sympathy towards your situation and resulting confusion. Your story isn't uncommon and if you are having emotional repercussions that is not to be taken lightly.

However, I feel empathetic towards him as well. I doubt that his actions were malicious, that he meant to assault you, or that he even comprehends how his actions could be seen that way. Our society doesn't give us a manual on what sex is and how to have it properly, we have to learn for ourselves. And the media bombards us with ill-conceived notions about sex constantly.

If I had to guess what his thoughts were/are I would say that he probablythought that he was doing something sexy for you. There are a lot of angles to explore here so be patient with me. Starting at the very beginning, you two alone together with an awkward pause created by the lack of stimuli from the malfunctioning tv. I'm guessing that because your relationship had been sexual previously at this point he doesn't have a clue how to interact with you in a platonic setting so given the lack of distraction he felt under the spotlight and freaked a little. So he reverted to what he understood, sex. At this point he advances and you say no. He responds by assuring you that he doesn't expect sexual favors in return. This is a big clue as to how he thinks and it makes complete sense based on what the media tells us! A.) He thinks you only don't want pleasure because you don't want to pleasure him. B.) He wants to pleasure you meaning he has no intentions of "taking" from you or hurting you. C.) He has no concept whatsoever that touching you under the assumptions of A. and B. could still hurt you emotionally/psychologically and could be considered molestation/assault. He obviously thought that if you were receiving pleasure and had no obligation to him then he was not doing wrong.

Of course, this isn't true.

But men make this mistake because men and women don't talk about these issues. Heck, even women don't talk about these issues. And when they do, you end up hearing a lot of extreme responses saying either A.) You are over reacting because he did nothing wrong, or B.) He's a horrible person, lock him up forever. I can't help but think that both of these responses are equally wrong and damaging to both parties.

I think that you should talk to him. Somewhere public, but where you can have privacy to discuss these delicate issues. Explain to him in a non-threatening way how you felt that night and how it has affected you. Encourage him to explain himself and share his feelings. You might be able to accomplish two very beautiful things, if not three. You might be able to come to understand his actions in a way that you didn't before so that you can forgive him and move on from this trauma. Also, you could potentially enlighten him to a new understanding what is appropriate sexually so that he will not make this mistake again. Lastly, you may even be able to restore your friendship!

Now, of course, this is all based on two assumptions. A.) That when you said "no" you weren't doing it so forcefully or authoritativelythat it was clear beyond a doubt that you meant it in all capacities. (By that, I mean to imply the old saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Again, I'm not saying that you did anything wrong! Our society does not teach women how to be authoritative, especially towards men, and definitely doesn't teach us how to say no!) And B.) That he meant you no harm and would would be mortified to learn that he had hurt you. If you talk to him and find that he doesn't care at all if he hurt you and would do it again then I suggest that you forget everything I've said and go straight to the police. (For this reason I suggest you voice record the interaction so that you will have undeniable proof of his guilt since there is a chance, a very high chance,they will say you gave your consent when you helped him to make you climax.)

I really hope this helped and that everything works out for you! Best of wishes!

Hello sarah... I am arjun. I can understand your feeling. One of my friends had this situation. I think i helped her. If u need to talk you have me or all these people. Just forget about it and pls dnt live in ur past. Try to over come it. That day doesnt determine who you are

I am so sorry for your sufferings.... But self respect is above all.... and a no should be a no.... Just remember you have your own individuality... and its your life... no one should command it... I know its difficult but telling your elders for sure will bring you out from this... Hope you come out of this soon... dont worry...