Things will only get better they said.
Been feeling like this the last two days. Had a major panic attack last night which resulted in an explosion of uncontrolled rage.
I targeted the wrong people who least deserved this. So obviously I feel guilty now even though I know they are understanding and loving still.
I should be at work already. Instead I am still in my pjs not feeling up to the day at all.
They are home!!! It feels good, real good.
They are asleep now, exhausted from the trip and time difference.
They brought me some really cute dresses and a very cute toy bear. 
I won't be here as much cause obviously will be spending time with them and Tuesday till Saturday I will be traveling myself.
@nolongerafraid
Yay!! Hope ye have a great time together ❤😁
@indigoBeing9907 Thanks!!
@nolongerafraid
Im glad they are safe back with you
Enjoy the time with them, and the travels!
Take care
@LoveFromSara Thanks Sara!
@nolongerafraid
hey :) so glad you have your (not so little) little ones back :) hope you got to spend lots of time with them 💕
and hope you'll enjoy your travels :) come back refreshed and with lots of beautiful memories 💕 take care :)
At the gate, waiting to board
See you soon!
@nolongerafraid
Hope you have a great time ❤
@indigoBeing9907
Thanks Indi. I arrived in Toulouse but there are no trains, they have all been cancelled. I am having a ball, lol. 😅
@nolongerafraid
ive found some of the biggest disasters in travelling can turn into opportunities to see things you wouldn't have seen otherwise....
But hopefully it'll work out and you will find another way to get to where you want to go ❤
@indigoBeing9907
I am sure it will work out. And you are right, it usually means something really cool is going to happen. 😉 I am looking forward to it.
It has been quiet inside for a while and I feel happy I guess.
Maybe it is stupid but it is almost too good to be true. When I look at my circumstances it does not make sense either.
Should I enjoy it or get worried? Just when I thought I had it all figured out I lost it again.
@nolongerafraid
hey Mas 😊 totally agree with Wize, enjoy every tiny bit of a good moment as long as possible 💕 glad you're feeling better *hugs*
@courteousNorth5140 Thanks North!
@nolongerafraid
lol love the comics :) always let it look like it's been on purpose :P
@courteousNorth5140
Lol, yes. Tadaaa
Mixed emotions today. Feeling a lot better now.
My daughter and I decided we are going to sleep in the garden tonight, lol. We set up our little camp and it looks fun.
I thought it would help to withdraw but it did not. Wanting to just ignore trauma and enjoy life for a while but it really is in my face.
My nightmares returned. This time it is different. In the dream memories or situations would come up and every time, right before it got really horrible, someone I can't identify but has loads of authority blocked it all out and said I have seen enough and should forget about it. I would wake up thinking that would be better. Fall asleep and the next episode started. Same thing happening over and over.
So now I have all these half memories that I am supposed to forget and not talk about.
I am upset really. I wish I could forget all about it. I outran it for a long time but it is catching up and I am scared.
@nolongerafraid
feings suck so much especially when we are/ were hurt.... I deal with the Lil motivation and energy daily taking my anger out on people even my boss lately (but than again he deserved it) 😬 breathing activities have been helping me a lot even going for walks or a run to clear ur mind maybe even crying helps I find it to help me and felt so good after o hope u feel better stay positive
@Ang0825 Thanks Ango. Crying upsets me even more so I try to release in different ways. Not always helpful.
Trying to stay positive but for now I just try and ignore everyone that has the potential to annoy me.
Amsterdam today. The Gay pride parade. Am seriously wondering what my true colors are.
@nolongerafraid
oh wow that looks amazing 
well as for choosing your colours, just take the whole rainbow and pick your favourite colour every day Hugs
@courteousNorth5140 I think my heart is a bit more colorful than my head, cause my thoughts can be very black and white. Unfortunately I am very head strong.
The struggle is real....
@nolongerafraid
yeah, I absolutely believe you that this struggle is real... and yeah, my heart is way more colourful than my head too, but for me mostly the heart decides... don't ask which way is better, I guess a balance would be good... some things the mind gotta decide, sometimes you gotta do what your colourful heart tells you... and btw a colourful heart is a beautiful thing
@courteousNorth5140 💖💙💚💛💜💟
A balance would be nice, yes.
@nolongerafraid
Did you go Mas? I love Pride events, so inclusive.
Maybe the labels dont matter. Just love who you feel love for. Be drawn to who you feel drawn to. Worry less, enjoy more.
A fine philosophy ...... does it feel doable?
@DeborahUK I was there for a bit yes. I enjoyed it too.
I really don't have a straight forward answer to your question. Other than ' I wish'.
@DeborahUK You know what, after your verse this morning I decided I can and I will.
And I can't believe how much peace that gives me. Thanks!
@nolongerafraid
Ah yes, a time for everything, including a time to love. Maybe that time is now?
@DeborahUK 😁💖
Love is an act of warfare.
This includes self love.
The host that wars against my soul chants relentlessly....
@nolongerafraid
Wow, beautiful and powerful, Mas
@nolongerafraid
Mas, you made me tear up right now.... those are so beautiful words and I'd just like to sign this *hugs you and sits with you in peace and silence to enjoy the perfect love......
@courteousNorth5140 You are very welcome to come and join me
All you folks think you own my life
But you never made any sacrifice
Demons they are on my trail
I'm standing at the crossroads of the hell
I look to the left I look to the right
There're hands that grab me on every side
Mmh, mmh
Mmh, mmh
All you folks think I got my price
At which I'll sell all that is mine
You think money rules when all else fails
Go sell your soul and keep your shell
I'm trying to protect what I keep inside
All the reasons why I live my life
Mmh, mmh
Mmh, mmh
Some say the devil be a mystical thing
I say the devil he a walking man
He a fool he a liar conjurer and a thief
He try to tell you what you want
Try to tell you what you need
Mmh, mmh
Mmh, mmh
Standing at the point
The road it cross you down
What is at your back
Which way do you turn
Who will come to find you first
Your devils or your gods
Mmh
All you folks think you run my life
Say I should be willing to compromise
I say all you demons go back to hell
I'll save my soul, save myself
Mmh, mmh
Mmh, mmh
Save my soul, save myself
Save my soul, save myself
Save my soul, save myself
Save my soul, save myself
Songwriters: Tracy L Chapman