Trigger warning: sexual assault
Two years ago, I was sexually assaulted by my best friend of four years (lets call him Omar). Omar is no longer part of our friend group, but I never felt truly supported by my friends. A couple of them actually still hang out with him outside the group, which makes me feel like it wasnt that big of a deal to anyone but me. I feel like if I had said it was okay, nearly everyone would still hang out with him, and that makes me feel extremely guilty.
I still have nightmares about it/him. I get scared that Ill see him in public (we live in the same general area). The only reason that I can still go downtown to the places we all hang out at is because one of my friends (the only one who actually stood up for me; lets call him Jayden) told Omar that hes a f***ing predator and if he ever came around those places again, Jayden would kick his a**.
Last night, I had a nightmare that I was with my friends, and Omar showed up. They all hugged him and were happy to see him. I felt horrified and scared. His stupid face looked so smug, arrogant, and disgusting. I couldnt stop thinking about it today.
Thats pretty much how most of my nightmares go, although sometimes they include feelings of being unable to move, being held down, or not being able to get to a place that he isnt at (like, he keeps appearing wherever I run to and I cant get away).
Am I ever going to get over this?
@nampretzel
I am so sorry that this happened to you and more upset with your friends who have taken this so lightly. Having to be in some of the same environment that he is a part of is really hard. You are very brave to have come out and told him. What he did was wrong and what he took away from you was even more precious. No one has the right to force themselves on us against our will. Know this one thing my dear it is not nor was it your fault. People like him need to be convicted and put away where they can no longer do this to anyone else. Did you file a police report? if you did not I think it might be something to consider so no one else can be his victim.
I am a victim of multiple rape and incest. I relate to the nightmares and the feeling of being paralyzed and unable to move This is what is called Freezing. I have that too. You asked a question if it gets better? The truth is yes to some degree but the more you are able to talk about it, it does help. I am not sure if it will ever totally go away but the impact will be certainly less emotional drain on you.
I am glad you are here seeking support and I hope that we will be able to give you the support you need. I am a listener and My ears and heart are always open to you if you ever need to vent or just someone to listen, just inbox me. Would it be alright if you let me know how things are going for you
@nampretzel I agree with @bubblegumPuppy68. Like they said I found someone to talk with and it helped a lot but it has never been gone away completely. I had nightmares for years and fortunately those have stopped. It may be good to reach out to bubblegum or any listener or therapist of your choice.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too. The fear, the flashbacks, how hard is to trust anyone, and even myself - stay for a long time. It has been ten years for me. I
