Trying to Survive the Sexual Assault
Hey, Everyone,
So, I've posted on here in the past. Here is the link to my previous post:https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/TraumaticExperiences_48/SexuallyAssaulted_3272/.
A lot of times I feel like I'm getting better but then there are nights like tonight where I'm just thinking about it so much. I can't help it. I've been trying to keep myself from cutting tonight...I just think it would feel so good, but it's been so long since I've done it that part of me doesn'twant to relapse.
I don't know...I guess I just came here looking for some support tonight. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry you're struggling so. Surviving and recovering from sexual trauma is so tough. You're not alone... so many people (unfortunately) have survivored assault, and have gone on to face it and to find their lives again, and the strength to defeat the memories and the pain. We don't ever forget, but we do move through it.
You can always send me a chat if you need someone to talk to. I'd be happy to listen. Take gentle care of you!
Thanks, Kristen. A lot of times it feels like no matter how much I talk about it, it won't help anything.
I can understand that. Sometimes just having someone to talk to, even if you don't talk about what happened, but someone that knows what happened can be helpful.
I struggle with it all the time, too. I haven't seeked help besides here though. I'm scared to talk to anyone about it, it makes me feel embarrassed even though i did nothing wrong. Sometimes i feel so guilty and like maybe i egged it on because when it was happening (it was over a period of years) i used to just lay there and zone out. I didnt want to feel and be in the room as such when it was happening, you know? I don't know how to get it to stop haunting me but all i know is that it's caused a lot of problems for me and now i am terrified of intimacy, i am very dysfunctional in relationships, i have commitment issues, which i believe is because i won't allow someone close enough to me for them to hurt me. Which is just crippling. I'm 21, and i don't believe i'llever marry, i believe i am set for a life of lonliness. Plus i've had to deal with this on my own, no one in my family knows besides the abuser who was unfortunately a family member which is even worse. I have to see them all the time. I am not close to anyone in my family and i would definitely not like to be the cause of my family being destoyed by this information.
I'm glad you've chosen to come here and at least talk with some listeners so you're not alone through this. You have been through so much having survived what you did. If you ever need the extra support, feel free to message me.
Yeah, I definitely feel like I could've done more to stop it. He wasn't a relative but a friend...someone I trusted. And now one of my friends is dating him (she does know what happened). I don't know...he and I had fooled around first semester of junior year of college, but over Christmas break I told him that I didn't want to anymore. He seemed fine with it, but then one night in April of that same school year, he came over to watchBoy Meets World with me. It was going fine till one of the episodes was taking a while to load, and he started getting handsy. I told him that I didn't want to do anything, and he told me that I wouldn't have to...that I could just lay there and enjoy what he was doing to me. I told him no and to stop. I tried to get his hands out of my pants/underwear/that general area, but it wasn't stopping him. Finally I just gave up and ended up finishing him off orally because I just wanted it to be over, but I felt trapped in that situation. I go back and relive that night again and again and think of all the things I could've done differently. It's gotten a little easier, but it's been almost 2 years since it happened...I feel like I, personally, should've been able to move on from this by now. A lot of my friends don't understand, which is okay, because if they did, then they would've had to go through it and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But I also kinda wish at least one of them understood.
When I was 8, my uncle assaulted me. I've had terrible anxiety and self esteem issues since. I do not see him anymore, but no one knows that he assaulted me. Sometimes I just wish I could scream that he hurt me.
Abby i can totally relate to that. I have terrible anxiety too after dealing with being abused over the course of years, when i was younger. No one in my family knows either it is the darkest secret i have hidden in my fogged up mind and sometimes that box at the darkest corner of my mind rattles occasi
Occasionally to remind me the issue is still very much in control of my life
I'm sorry that happened to you. Have you shared with any listener here to have some support so you're not alone? It's great you are posting... it's good to know we aren't alone in this healing journey.
Well, wheni'msober and fullyaware of what i am saying and in control of my feelings i am very very cautious of what i say to people in group chats/1 on 1's about myexperience. I generally just say i was abused as a child andthatsit, i don't say how or go into any detail. Although once last week i did have a wobble and self-harmed. Got myself in a state but had a 1 on 1 and saidwaaaaytoo much, i know they say its good to let it out and talk about it but i honestly like to feel in control of that sort of information. Now its out there i get anxious and think they will talk about it and laugh etc. Idontknow, but yeah. Its one of more harder things totalk about that i've had to deal with.
I think just having support - even if you don't share details is important. It's okay to limit what you want to share. When you are comfortable, you will share what you need to share with who you need to share it.
I am so sorry that everyone went through such a traumatic experience. No one deserves to go through what you went through! You are all strong and you are all fighters!