When I was a kid
Hey, so I guess I'll just start at the beginning.
When I was maybe 6 or 7 I was in the upstairs bedroom of my grandparents house with my twin brother and my cousin who is the same age, I'll call her Isabelle (Not her real name) and my grandparents, parents and aunt and uncle were downstairs. We were sitting on the big double bed playing, I can't remember what exactly, when Isabelle suddenly lunged at me. I was wearing a skirt and she put her hand up my skirt and tried to put her fingers inside me. As she did she was saying things like, do you like that? and You like that don't you?. It must have only lasted a minute at most but I remember thinking hat it was never going to end and I was kicking and telling her to get off. She only stopped when I fell off the bed.
I can remember being shocked and scared, and I felt betrayed that my brother hadn't helped me. (I realise now that he was also 6 or 7 so wouldn't have known what to do either)
I didn't tell anyone and I forgot about it completely until a few months ago when I watched a documentary called 'kids abusing kids' which seems to have brought it back. Now I can't help but to wonder what impact it had on me and how it's affected my life. I've always avoided being alone in the same room as Isabelle and I never liked her, although I couldn't tell you why I didn't like her when I was younger. I'm also very shy and quiet, I have severe depression and anxiety but I'm getting better with that.
Of course, there are other factors that have caused my depression and anxiety but I can't help but wonder if maybe I would be different if this hadn't happened.
I also don't know how to feel about it. I feel hurt and upset but at the same time I feel like I can't be angry at Isabelle because she was only 6 or 7 at the time too so she wouldn't have understood any better than me what she was doing and how wrong it was.
@fearlessJet3715 Hi 
You are very brave for sharing, it is perfectly normal to feel hurt, and to feel angry. It is very mature to realise that Isabelle was only a child too. I hope that you can find support here, and in person.
@FloweringBunny Hi, thanks. I haven't told anyone in person, I don't know what they'd think about it and I guess I'm worried that I'm over reacting about it.
when i was younger i used to go to my dads house often with my big sister. he had a girlfriend. ill call her hmm... mimi. Mimi was very kind at first to us. EsPECIALLY my sister. after maybe a month of knowing mimi, she became very rude and sometimes violent to me. but oh how she LOVEd my sister. she was the perfect person to mimi and boy did she treat her like it. i remember this one time she got like this manicure thing. she told my sister to go with her and as she walked away she said 'ugly girls dont get pretty nails' as she threw a old almost empty coloring book at me. i heard them laughing and having much fun. but me/ no i was sitting by myself in the middle of the livingroom. looking at a boring coloring book with nothing but a snowman picture in it. she you to say ill never get anywhere and i was worthless and ( I QUOTE) "you will never be as good as your sister just die'. at the time i was only 6 so i didnt understand why she was being so being so mean. i remember this one time so vividly. she was on my dads bed and she lit her cigarette. she saw me come in the room and she told me to 'get over here" so i did as i was told. she grabbed my finger and she grabbed her lighter. i already knew what was going to happen so i started crying. i thought i was going to catch fire and die. what happened was. she turned on the lighter and put it on my finger and held it there for about 5 seconds. it felt like an hour. and oh how it burned. the worse part of all of this. my sister stood there. laughing at me. saying 'come on its not that bad i just did it" (she did it for like 0.2 seconds) i ran out the room and i just cried staring at my now blistered finger. i tried to tell my dad how mean she was to me but he said "come on stop lying. i know her she isnt like that". sure dad. "she isnt like that". whatever you say daddy dearest.
@anxietylips - I'm so sorry that you faced that cruelty from her and that your dad didn't believe you when you told him. I believe you. And I know that there is still pain there from this, but also that you survived and are so strong and I believe that same strength can help you to continue to heal - to talk about what happened, to feel the feelings that it brings up, and to find ways, bit by bit, to move forward. Sending you peace and hopeful thoughts.
@fearlessJet3715 strong soul
@anxietylips Thank you You're such a brave soul too
@fearlessJet3715 - First of all, I'm proud of you for opening up and sharing that - it's hard to do that, and takes courage, but I think being able to talk about it is a big step.
You said that you're not sure how to feel about it, but are feeling hurt and upset. That's okay. It is completely valid to feel hurt and upset and angry and sad and absolutely anything else that you are feeling because there is no right or wrong way to feel about this. And even if she was also young and you don't blame her, that doesn't change that you were hurt. Someone can be hurt even if the other person didn't intend it, and that hurt still deserves care and support and healing.
What do you think would help you to heal now? What support can we give you?
@Anomalia Hi, thank you. Just what you've already said has helped me, truthfully I don't know what would help me with this. I haven't really thought past putting my story out there, it was quite nerve wracking!
@fearlessJet3715 - Understandable, and it's a big step for sure! If you do decide you want to talk more about it, I'm here to listen, and either way, know that I am sending peace and hopeful thoughts in your direction :)
@Anomalia Thank you