Currently going through traumatic events

I never know how to explain my situation.

Before I continue, I just want to say I read through your whole post before I wrote this, and I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to experience what you have; in fact, I wish that I was able to reply to you immediately when you posted this, so that you could hear my words and support right away. Hopefully, you will eventually see my reply. You say that you never know how to explain your situation, and seeing it all in text like this, I can see why; an incredible amount of terrible things are happening to you, and none of it's your fault. I wouldn't be surprised if you have had trouble talking to friends about the things taking place in your family because you worry about being a burden, and perhaps, they themselves have distanced themselves away because they were not strong enough to handle supporting you. And if friends have done that to you--that's not on you--that's on them for not being there when they should be.

My parents are highly unstable people and I've trapped myself in their problems by trying to help, and may lose everything soon. I had a science career that was gaining momentum until COVID hit, and unemployment was high. My parents at the time were struggling in their business and after begging me over and over, I finally agreed to work for them temporarily because I would get a paycheck and I would try to help fix the numerous issues at their company. They needed organization and technical help. When I began working, my mom stopped showing up to work and began making my sister and I do her job.

You sound like an incredibly level-headed, good person; you clearly care about your family and your parents and are trying your best to help. What happened with your mom--it sounds like she has inappropriately placed a responsibility on you and your sister; it's not your job to be her parent and take care of her finances. She has essentially done what is called "parentification" of you and your sister, where the children become parents of their parents, and it causes them to grow up more rapidly and mature more for their age than they should, placing them in incredible stress. Simultaneously, I truly feel for you--you are trapped because you want to help and feel you have to help--you tried your hardest and agreed to work for your parents because that's what any other person would have done. You deserve to be able to return to your science career and have your own life though; your parents may try to consume you in their issues, but you have the right to be happy and be your own person and pursue your dreams. And I just want you to know that, in case, anyone ever tells you the generic stuff that you should support your family at all costs because that's not true--I challenge them to try to fix it because I bet they can't; sometimes, family systems can be incredibly toxic, horrible for your health, and can be the worst thing imaginable. And that doesn't mean the burden is on you to fix it. It's not your fault, and you can't control every single decision your parents have made, and I'm so sorry again that you're in this situation.

At the same time, my stepdad wanted my half-brother to go to a better school and relocated an hour away - he basically moved out of the house. Ever since then, he has been getting involved in criminal activity and has had multiple run-ins with the police, may be involved in gangs, and is now probably facing jail time from a DUI. I never EVER saw this coming.

About your stepdad--it's horrible to hear what happened with him. It sounds like you are incredibly shocked about these changes, so I'm sure he was a different man at some point--I wouldn't be surprised if you are feeling a lot of emotions right now, disappointment, shock, betrayal, disgust--perhaps you don't even know what you are feeling given everything that is happening. His criminal acts will and have hurt you and your life and ability to function, and I want you to understand that you have the right to be angry at him for what he has done and how he has hurt you and your family through his criminality and inability to take responsibility for his company and take charge as he should with his finances and health in a legal and honest way.

Meanwhile, my mom has been slowly losing her mind and is addicted to drugs, hides at the house, has not been to the office in like two years, and is extremely overly-dependent on her kids to support her emotionally and financially. I have taken a lot of steps to escape this situation with a plethora of roadblocks in my way.

I can't imagine how you must feel seeing your own mom spiraling like this, and again, it is not necessarily on you to take responsibility for this; before I continue, I want to remind you that you also have the right to be upset and angry at your mother for not being a mom and not stepping up for you and her other children. Have you been able to share your feelings with your parents and all and push them to do anything?--honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you have tried everything you could, based on everything that you have been saying. As for resources to be able to escape, you have perhaps exhausted many things--are there other relatives that can take care of your siblings or would help out in the case that something happens? Are there any care homes or support groups that your mom could go to receive help for her drug problems--or any mental health professionals that could be hired to encourage her to get out of the house and start working again? Finances seem to be an issue though--if your stepfather goes to prison, are there any social support payments that your mother can get to help take care of your siblings? Depending on where you live, there may be social programs available to help that can reduce the burden off of you, even beforehand, if your stepfather does not end up in prison.

I have had good job offers that I turned down because I am absolutely terrified of what's going to happen to my siblings when I leave. My parents are completely destroying their lives and my life. My stepdad's court date is coming up and if he goes to prison, NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO RUN THIS COMPANY. My mom is too mentally unstable to come back and I am literally incapable of running this business by myself. I am so scared and have no idea what to do except panic apply to a bunch of jobs and just run away.

I think that it could be a good idea to have a backup plan and good job available, so that you are able to support yourself when the time comes; you are clearly capable of getting a good job, so it may be worthwhile to plan an exit if necessary. It makes absolute sense to apply to tons of jobs and just run away to be honest--your parents have done lots of things and essentially screwed you over, so it really is easiest to walk out, and I wouldn't blame you, if that is what you ended up doing.

It's possible that your siblings may have to live with you instead of your parents--are they able to get jobs and work themselves part-time while going to school? Or deal with themselves enough to go to school independently so not to interrupt your work schedule? Even if your siblings do live with you, there are some school and grocery programs that can help cover for food; you can talk with school administration and try to get them free school food to lower the financial burden on you. Knowing you, I doubt you're the type to just leave your siblings and you seem to be looking for whatever options possible; I don't know if whatever I say helps, but I want you to know there are options out there, and maybe something will help you and your siblings' situation. Your parents, alternatively, may not be judged to be fit parents (maybe or maybe not you inquire into social workers or social services), and your siblings may be moved to a relative or a foster family who can provide meals for them too. That would likely be additional court time, but your siblings would be able to have a new life or chance outside of your parents' destruction.

About the company--it's not your responsibility to run the business--you had your own science career in the past, and that's what you wanted to be doing. How big is this business--are you able to delegate or give leadership responsibilities to a different employee or hire someone else to do the role and your family get a passive income ownership from it or sell away the business to a different business? It sounds like nobody is able to run the business though, and I don't know what business this is or what scale it is, so it's hard to say. I'm just hoping anything I say could be potentially helpful to you or perhaps spark any idea about what could be done. I'm rooting for you, and you deserve better than all that has happened, and I hope you're able to get through this.

If I do that, everything will crumble, my mom will lose the house, and she will probably harm herself. I don't know what else to do anymore and am just living in raw anxiety and trauma every single day. Every day I find out more bad news. Something else crazy one of my parents did when I wasn't looking. No one knows how to help me and no one wants to be in my life because of these problems. To be honest, I don't understand why my life has turned out like this. My parents were never perfect, but I never thought they would take it this far. Thank you for reading.

As you said, your mother is mentally unwell, and I would also not be surprised either if she harmed herself; if you are seriously concerned about the potential of your mother harming herself or committing suicide, you may have to call to get her in for psychiatric stay or push her to talk to someone through a suicidal hotline. These are serious options, and you may not want to do them, but again your situation is serious, and your mother is beyond your ability to help.

Also, I'm not surprised that people have been distancing themselves; when bad things happen though, that's the greatest test of who your true friends are because they will stay and will help. There are a lot of things going on--so I'm not surprised that people are unsure how to help. It's possible you could also try crowdfunding on *** or a similar site, and film yourself explaining your families' situation and saying that money may be needed to take care of your siblings (if it ever comes to that); that may sound stupid, but a lot of people in serious situations like this do it and can get a lot of help out of it. There are also potentially local charities that cover food as well and will pay for meals too.

Perhaps, my suggestions are not helpful to you at all, and you're frustrated reading them, and that's also okay too. I don't truly know your family situation beyond the paragraph you have written-which shows that a lot of things are going down. However, I want you to know that I really care and feel for you; we may have never met (or perhaps we have and will never know), but what is happening in your life is not your fault, and anyone would be anxious and traumatized. Even if you do get through this, it will probably weigh on you for a while later. Feel free to reply to my post or not, but you're in my thoughts, and I'm wishing you the best. If you ever need someone to talk to, there are listeners like me on this site who care about people like you and want to support you whatever way they can.

If anyone else reading the main post has any ideas too, please post whatever you got--don't just glance over what they wrote; this is a real person who needs support, and they need whatever ideas or solutions they can get for their situation, as well as incredible, profound kindness.