Finally free from the toxicity but...

Finally, I'm free.

I recently cut off all ties with my dysfunctional family who physically and verbally abused me or those connected to them. I cut off the toxic friends who affected me negatively.

Despite this though, I feel mixed emotions.

Yes, I'm free but... what if this happens again and again?

Just constantly getting into toxic situations.

What made me finally cut off ties was my younger brother. He was the family member I tolerated maybe the most and had contact with but... he's hanging out still with someone who financially used me and treated me badly. He keeps making excuses for the guy too. My younger brother is also a womanizer and doesn't treat women well, so I'm good no longer having contact. I've cut off my 2nd oldest brother a LONG time ago. He blamed me for the domestic abuse I've experienced from my ex prior, and made me homeless. Lastly, I cut my oldest brother out too. We're...on OK terms, but he lives with my mother who physically, verbally, and SA me growing up. My oldest brother is the only one I told that I need a mental break from everyone (I just blocked the other two brothers, because they've been really *** or inconsiderate towards me).

It's relieving to no longer hear from or talk to these people but I also feel...weird? I don't know. I live in a city where many people happen to know my second oldest and youngest brother (the oldest brother and my separated parents live maybe 1k kilometers away), and I dont go out much (or to certain places) to avoid those people.

I plan on moving either out of this state or country once my lease is up. I don't feel happy here and (bad) memories are triggering and making it hard.

I feel beyond damaged sometimes.

I already have PTSD or CPTSD from childhood.

Then I was in a long term relationship with my ex fiance who almost made me unalive, and dealt with my ex's crazy family who are violent drunks too.

After that, dated that jerk who my younger brother hooked me up with for his own gain. That jerk used me for money and comfort, then ghosted after close to a year of "dating" or being in a situationship.

Then during that time, dealt with eviction, losing several cars, job loss, illnesses, losing temporary custody of son, homelessness, starving, bad friendships, terrible dating experiences, depression, etc etc.

I feel messed up in the head and its frustrating.

But at least I'm FREE.

No more dealing with other people's BS anymore.

I'm just going to focus on myself and the little one.

That's the only one who matters to me in my life.