Help with deal with past Trauma.
Alright so I'm in a rough spot right now, I keep on remembering what happened in the past and its really getting to me and making me anxious. So many things have happened in the past that I almost feel a little dull, I feel almost dead inside. When I was younger: Okay so I was born an army kid meaning I've moved around a lot and never made any real friends from moving around as I lost contact with them, I only really met one person I kept in contact with. So I was taught really strictly (by my parents), my mum was quite hard working and didnt really see the point in me getting upset most of the time and pushes me to work too hard sometimes, whereas my dad never really talked to me, he never really went out the house unless it was for work and played on his pc 24/7. Currently or last year: Alright so last year and most of highschool was really bad for me as my grandparents died and I had just started in a new highschool and I was so scared to make new friends, I eventually made a friend who is still my best friend but that year sucked that was before 2020. During 2020 A lot of things happened: First off my auntie died of drug over dose, then my cousins went homeless so my uncle had to take them in for a bit. Then my parents split up as my dad had cheated on my mum, then my uncles baby died, my best friend tried to kill themself (they're still alive but I remember it vividly.), I then had trouble with my ex who had bullied someone to the point of suicide and then tried to hurt them later on, my ex didnt understand anxiety and couldn't really help and grew really distant, I got quite lonely as it was just me and my beat friend, I broke up with him and apologised to the guy my ex had bullied and became friends with him and eventually started dating him after a couple of months of him comforting me. Currently in 2021: school work is pressuring me a lot, and most currently I still blame myself for what happened even if I know most of it wasnt my fault and I can't sleep great and get upset as I can't deal with my anxiety great because I don't want my friends to worry and I'm super scared of crying in front of a friend or therapist. So when I did have a counsellor I struggled to tell them what I was thinking and struggling with.
@philosophicalSkies1588
I'm sorry for all you have gone all your life and particularly the past year and this one.
And that you have never found a way to express properly your emotions to friends and therapists.
Here you can do it as much as you wish.
This is a very safe place, a community made by caring people.
You can write in any way you like, don't wait until you "learn how to do it" Just post anything you want to share, as it comes to your mind.
I would suggest that you also participate regularly in the daily Check-In section, which you will find pressing the oval button "Checkin Today..." HERE In these Check-ins is where you will meet people from the whole Community. And practice and learn new things along the way.
The more actively you participate in our Forums, the more you will benefit from all the great knowledge and support this Community can offer you.
By the way, don't give up on Therapy. Never be ashamed to cry in front of a therapist. Most people do.
Therapists are professionals, trained to help people in distress, who often cry and break down in their presence precisely because of that.
Trust your therapist and just be yourself. In my experience, most therapists are well-trained mental health professionals, and good caring people, to be trusted.
Therapy can help you a lot. Don't skip the opportunity if you have access to it.
Please come back to me by posting here in case you have any further questions.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo