How are you working through it??

@stickercollection

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time finding things that help with your CPTSD. I to can resonate with you. I am glade that You are here on 7cups, Welcome. It might be of a great benefit if you would talk to a Verified listener who might be able to guild you to some helpful forums about the site. Exploring the various forums, you will find some great tools and much support. You are among friends here and we are here to support you in your journey.

@stickercollection

I connect a lot with what you're saying, thanks so much for sharing your feelings with us. Recovering from PTSD and childhood trauma is one of the most exhausting things for us to do. I was in a very similar spot to you, I reached out in my early 20s, and I'd say that for the first three or so years it really felt like improvement was slow. However, when I look back on it, I had a lot of responsibilities I was dealing with. Early in therapy and recovery it's more about being able to manage day to day and you can't really start real trauma work until you've practised staying calm and coming down from intense emotions. This was made slower for me because I was in an unhealthy relationship (symptom of abuse itself, the vulnerability from childhood trauma!), I was trying to do school, I was working and having to pay bills for the first time. Getting help as an adult unfortunately brings the reality of added responsibilities, and there's more to cope with while in therapy, like a stressful environment, stressful situation, or maybe family troubles (that may have something to do with the trauma, creating fresh wounds constantly while you're trying to heal).

This is all to say that sometimes it's really hard to see improvement because we judge ourselves harshly, and also it's tough to see the work being done until a few years later. Recovery takes practise, and there will be dips. Also working on things means it's on the forefront of your mind more, you can't put it away as effectively as opposed to burying it for a few years. There are a lot of factors, but I want to challenge you here, are you sure there is absolutely nothing you have learned or improved on since beginning treatment?

For example, early on I learned about identifying emotions I didn't know I had. I had never let myself be angry before, that was something new and it helped me to begin to learn some assertive skills, about how I deserved better and wasn't responsible for my trauma. I had started to face a lot of my shame feelings and realize how unreasonable I was being with myself. The first year is a lot of eye opening I think. It's a lot of identifying emotions, where they are in your body, learning to be able to sit with them. How can you learn to put emotions away if you don't even know what they are or the effect on your body?

Try to name something different in the way you think about yourself or your situation? Have you gotten better at noticing triggers before they affect you, and knowing why emotions are happening (even if you can't stop the effects yet)? Have you learned to be less harsh on yourself, or point the blame a bit more in the direction it deserves to be pointed in? Have you learned to minimize yourself less and care about yourself more and forgive yourself?

Can you name anything else I could be forgetting? Does any of this resonate with you? Totally fair if it doesn't. I can promise you though, healing from trauma is inevitable if you work at it. I'm not saying you'll get a "CURED" stamp on your forehead, but you will notice improvement. I'd say the five year mark was when I was really able to look back and be like WOW, look at what I've done.Ten years later I'm a completely different person.

You reached out and got help, you're working hard. You've probably done more than you realize and are destined to continue to improve. I believe in you, because I believe in me, and we are trauma survivors; We are mighty.