I don’t like knowing I have no hope
Cptsd from age 2-13 and I have Ptsd from 6 traumatic events in my adult life. The last couple being the worst. And having lost all people in my life I needed for support, (brothers and friends) (and my only living friend who,for 33 years, I loved and trusted) ended our friendship because to get together again, her ex told her to. I turned to a hotline text site ecouraging my trust and friendship for 2 1/2 years. I was so scared to believe them but finally did. After asking every way possible if they would ever abandon me. @Oh no we would never hurt you like others did...nmw!!!" So after almost 2 years I did totally trust them. Well they did block me several months ago and I lost 8 friends in seconds. But what's worse, it's never going to happen again. I can feel that. I have no doubt that guarded trust i had is in my past Every therapist either wouldn't treat me or the few who did were far more hurtful by rarely showing up for appt or quitting on me after 6 months. Everything together I have no belief in healing. I can only let my mind skim over my memories. Skip from one to another it's automatic now. I can't finish most things I start or I take hours on a couple sentences. There is only one thought that can get me to tomorrow, I won't share, and as far as today, we'll I'm still going through the motions because I don't know what else to do. It hurts so bad to not have one person that cares about me. To have pain layered so thick it is unbearable to think of any one for more than a quick glance. I know if I get up again I'll get pushed even deeper. It's too deep already. There is an endless ache I guess partly sorrow. Could not one person care to stand up for me or with me? There is nobody and never be. I would be an idiot to fall for more lies even if it seems so trueiahaha will just float until one day I just can't float anymore.
Hi, i didnt understand everything you said, cause english isnt my main language, but u are important, people care about u, just try looking with a macro vision and if they dont care, look for people that will care with you. If u need someone to talk to, i am free to listen ❤️ take care
Thank you. I appreciate your offer to listen. I’m still trying to find the words
@kindTurtle3738 I am so sorry for the horrible things that brought you to this state. I too have some pretty serious trauma old and new. (CPTSD/MDD) . I got to an incredibly low point because all the pain was literally crushing me. I have endured many different types of abuse and trauma including severe childhood abuse, bullying in and out of the workplace and sexual assault in and out of the workplace to name a few. I understand that dark place and trusting is near impossible. I am lucky to have found a good reliable therapist but I needed more help and that's how I came to 7cups. My experience here has been great. I hope you can find some support here too. Your life deserves to be Peaceful and happy. I'm praying for your healing, please know you are not alone. ABB💜
I am glad you are on your way up. I’m sure it’s not an easy climb, but It’s in the right direction.
My climb is horrendous and not easy. Today I cannot stop crying and I'm medicated. Everything I do, every step I take in my day is like I'm walking with a knife lodged in my gut. I'm barely breathing today never mind make any progress. I don't understand why I have this life of pain and suffering and abuse. Maybe it's a test , im not good at tests. ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Just checking how you are doing today?
Thank you, so kind of you, I'm holding up , I am getting together with a friend for dinner. Hoping that helps. I just am trying to find some enjoyment. Hope your well today💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92 Thanks, my day is okay today. I am glad to here that you are holding up. I hope your time with your friend helps.
@adventurousBranch3786 *hear
I’m so sorry. I hate those days like what you are experiencing. I don’t understand why it has to be so incredibly painful. My thoughts are with you!! ❤️
Thanks, I appreciate your support. It's that trauma pain it just comes out whenever it freakn wants too. Some are triggers . Seriously I can't live a happy life in this state of mind. I did see my best friend today she's good to me. She helps , girl talk and dinner, shopping a little. It's so hard to enjoy when that darkness is underneath clawing at your soul, Straining everything that your trying to enjoy. CPTSD and all that goes with it is a state of chronic torture. Gets old quickly. This thread is helpful to me though and it's nice to be surrounded by ppl who get it. I feel like you care, Most ppl just don't get it. Thanks for starting this thread. 💜ABB
I care very much. I don’t want anyone to feel a fraction of this pain. Im so sorry that your suffering too. It feels like it permeates our very core. Almost drowning our soul. We try explaining how painful it is but sorrow and despair are as close as we get to describing it. It relentlessly attacks us but is not capable of understanding how destructive it is. I wonder if it would care if it had that understanding? Why doesnt it leave us some peace?? If someone experiences excessive happiness, does it stay with them like the painful feelings? I’m worn down. You sound like you are too. Take it an hour at a time if that’s the best you can do. Push through each day until it brightens up again!!! ❤️
I'm still trying to get out from under the dark pit of pain. I'm at the gym and I am trying to do what's right but I'm sick of nothing working.bi guess this is my life with CPTSD and MDD. Horrible place to be. I don't want to be here. After my horrible life's cards( since I was 2) you'd think I'd get a break at some point before I die. I'm not a horrible person. I'm making good decisions. Idk what else to do, it's been 3 years of trying to save myself. 💜ABB
Dont give up trying. Some days are better than other days. I hold on for those days and try to make the most of those. If it took time to get this low, it may take a little while to get better.