Wrong place, wrong time

TW:

I was hanging out with my boyfriend after school today and after a bit, we were just chilling, my boyfriend said something to me but I didn't hear my boyfriend's voice, I heard His. So, I covered my ears. I started seeing Him too, so I shut my eyes. I couldn't stop hearing Him and seeing Him. I had a whole breakdown panic attack. My boyfriend helped me calm down and I was okay after that. 

My mom picked me up from the library and when we got home, I went onto the shared document with my boyfriend and I explained what happened. I was going to tell him in person but I didn't have time. 

Ever since I explained to him, he says he's okay, but I know him and I know he's blaming himself. I've told him many times that I'm not mad or upset with him and that none of what happened was his fault. 

I just asked my boyfriend if he's ok and what's wrong because he said "love you" and that's not like him at all. And he replied with how he doesn't know and how he wants space but also doesn't like to be alone. So, I told him I'll give him space and he replies with he doesn't want to be left alone but he also does and he doesn't know why. 

I can't lose him. I really can't.

I realize I've gone off topic again. I apologize.