Can this reaction be explained by trauma?
I experienced sexual abuse from my first boyfriend and I have been sexually harassed in public before. When I am in situations where people are being sexual with each other or flirting sexually (i.e. in a Discord server), or when people make advances towards me, I get very afraid and very repulsed. I feel disgusted and nauseated and my heartbeat goes really fast. Conversely, with my boyfriend I am almost hypersexual and it's like it's a way for me to take back agency over my sexuality. But with anyone besides him, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to witness. It makes me feel prudish and hypocritical. These reactions are so polarizing and I've read before that people who have had traumatic sexual experiences can use either mechanism to cope. Just want to know if anyone else has ever experienced both at the same time.
@Evenstar8
Hey Even star, I'm a rape survivor and yes it is very probably linked to trauma. I have been through both of the things you're describing above and I know how disturbing and weird it feels. A bit like you're not in control or being one-minded, at least it felt like that to me. I read an amazing book that helped a lot called "the sexual healing journey", which focuses on helping sexual abuse survivors through their journey to view sex differently (separating it from abuse). It helped me and a good friend of mine a lot. I know you will find your peace and thank you for sharing, you're really brave <3
@Henriette
Thanks, I will check it out!
@Evenstar8 I haven't been through the same, but it sounds like a completely natural reaction to me! I understand how unsettling it can be to have such contrasting reactions, but it makes sense, your sexuality with your boyfriend is something you feel you can be in control of, and he is someone that makes you feel safe and comfortable. With anyone else it's different, and it's normal after what you've been through. I hope you can find a way to cope with these feelings, but in the meantime, you have your boyfriend's love and support, you have your freedom and happiness with him, you deserve it and I'm so glad you have a special person by your side. I wish you all the best for the future!
@Aayla
Thank-you for your kind response!
Yes, it can definitely be related to what you've been through.
