Childhood abuse question

@GrinningGrace

I have heard of this, yes. I don't have any resources about it off the top of my head, though.

Hello. I'm new to 7 cups but so far I have had a very positive and exciting experience. I'm not sure how threads, posts, and private chats work or if I'm even about to post this in the right manner but as far as childhood abuse goes I was molested every weekend for 4 years when i was just 6 years old. I'm a male and the abuser was my cousin that was 6 years older than me. At the time I didn't know it was abuse and I didn't even know it was wrong. I grew to enjoy it until I matured a bit and realized what was going on. Once I was aware of the stiuation I took proper actions and told my higher ups. I even ended up physically hurting him which put an end to it. I had troubles with my sexuality for years and as a 23 year old adult I still have issues with the situation, I'm not saying I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, I know why I like. But to this day I find myself attracted to females and transsexuals. I'm not happy with that because it's frowned upon but if anyone in here has a psychological explanation to my theory or even some advice on my prior issues please get ahold of me. I find it odd that I'm attracted to transsexuals but not males. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated. Thank you.

I was abused by 4 different people through out my life mostly as a child and pre teen and I keep thinking about it now I think I did it to my youngest brother a long time ago I can't tell if I really did it or if my head is making it up I'm so scared if I really made me touch me then I'm a rapist too I don't know if it a dilusion or a real event it's so blurry. I feel really scared and I hate myself.

I was abused by my adoptive father from 8yrs old to 14yrs old then I went into foster care. I hated sex, but did it in my teens, with guys my age then, because I believed I had to do what a guy ask. In my late teens until I was 22 yrs old I did it in exchange for drugs and alcohol, again with guys my same age. It wasn't until I was 30 yrs old and had an abortion that I decided I could choose whom and when I would have sex. I had been having sex with two older men like my fathers age, the first was because I thought I had to, to keep my place to live, the second guy was to get alcohol. My mid-to late 30s I quit having sex altogether. I went to college and shortly after moved in with an elderly gentleman to help him so he wouldn't have to go to a nursing home. I got a job and my own place at 40yrs old and met the neighbors and became a part of a group of friends my own age and mostly because of all the questions and comments about being 40 and over and not married. I started going to bars and places and picking up random men and bringing them home and having sex although I hated it. Just about 7 months ago a neighbor I would randomly have sex with came by and I told him no. For the first time in my life I stood up for myself. I was shaking inside and scared of so many things: what if he got mad and forced me. He has come back by twice since and every time I have said no. So for me it has mostly been sex with guys my own age, only twice older although several guys have been younger. I tried that thinking I could be in control didn't work.

This was in my mind for quite a while , I was abused between 9 to 14 by a man who must have been in his thirties then, as a teen my boyfriend forced himself to on me and. I didn't know it was rape , I thought I was being to stuck up .. for a long time I only dated guys who were older than me . I could never really enjoy sex .. I froze.. but some how if someone asked me out I thought I had to have sex with them or if they bought me a drink .

I'm now in my thitries and struggling , if I see someone who reminds me of my abuser I shrink back.... I get so awkward , coz I'm married and very often we go out with friends and some men seem to trigger this feeling off.. it's v unerving and. It comes across as I'm sure weird. And I'm not sure how to deal with it. Coz certian social situations can't be avoided .

When it comes to sexual abuse, anything is possible in the way of thought and behaviour patterns it instills in us.

I too was abused and molested when I was young, by both men and women. It didnt give me an attraction to any age or gender specificly, but I believe this to be a big part of my lust addiction and my weakness for less than savory characters. I also feel this took a big chunk of my innocense away and left a lost and damaged child that I have been nurturing for some time and continue to.

At this point I have analyzed my past so much I don't believe there is much else to learn from it. I continue with my therapy, and I guide myself with mindfulness, manage my emotions if/when they get out of control, and I carry on to the best of my abillity. This I feel is perhaps the best we can do for the past can't be undone, though we don't have to continue to suffer from it.

I hope you alle find peace with your lives, Post me if you need or wish to chat. :)