I am unsure

Hi, my name is mae. i’ve been a victim of S/A multiple times but there’s one specific time that even now i’m unsure about. i was a senior in high school & my best friend at the time was a freshman in college & so was this guy i’ll name him B. me and B talked but he came into my life at one of the worst times of my life. i didn’t care about myself in the slightest bit and i was heavily smoking(weed) at that time to try to get my mind away from my real life. i had a bunch of girl friends and they knew how badly i was going thru it. one specific weekend he came back from college with my best friend & one of his friends and that day all of my girl friends were basically pressuring me into losing my virginity and it was non stop pressure. at the time because i really feel like i wasn’t myself and i just wasn’t all the way there i didn’t think much of it so the more and more they pressured me i just gave in and he kinda just went along with it and the next morning of him being over he told me to go down to the basement and i lost my virginity to him, i didn’t really realize until a few days later what really had been done. him and my best friend at the time had pre planned it and talked about it but i wasn’t included in this conversation at all. i was in nothing but pain afterwards & i couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened fully and when i did even to this day i don’t feel like myself. when i think about it i get disgusted in myself and all. i don’t know what i can call that experience but honestly it was traumatic for me in a way i can’t explain or know how to explain.