I reported it.
Hello everyone!
I am a 20 year old French girl currently living in London, here's my story:
Last year, I've met a man when I was on my first trip to London by my own. As I had a problem with my accommodation, I had to use couchsurfing. That's how I met him. I was 19, he pretended to be 36. I had met him before just for coffee and a photoshoot as he was a photographer. He seemed really friendly, fatherly and professional, so the age difference wasn't a problem. He was living with flatmates etc, so I trusted him quickly. The night I had to stay at his place, I had partied before with friends, so I came back being really drunk. I remembered him and me having few more beers in his empty living room, I also remember him pouring something into my beer and encouraging me to drink it. Which I did when he became really insistent. To make it short, he took me to his bedroom to have sex with him. 'Come on, don't be shy' 'Just to cuddle' he said. Several times, I said no, pushed him, until the moment I was so tired and dizzy I gave up.
In the morning he acted really friendly again, everything was fine. So for a long time I thought I wanted it, I didn't really realised what happened. But I was thinking about it all the time, it got obsessing and this, was not normal. Approximatively a year later, I moved to London. My boyfriend convinced me to talk about it to The Havens (which is an organisation that gives medical and psychological support to sexual assaults victims). For the first time, a professional put a word on what happened, and this word was 'RAPE' They said I should report it to the police, but I thought he deserved a second chance. Everybody deserves a second chance right ?
As I wanted to understand why he did this, I even tried to contact him. When I was still living in France I sent him a long message on Facebook to tell him I felt raped, but I was ready to talk about it and that I forgave him. His Facebook page got deleted few weeks after. When I moved to London, I even came to his house to knock at his door. Only once. Nobody opened the door. I had lost his number as well and it just seemed as he disappeared. No sign of a professional website on internet.. Nothing. Until one day.
Instead of typing his name onto Google I decided to type 'photographer' followed by the name of the place he used to live. And BINGO. An article of the Dailymail showed up. The name and the age of this man were different, but the description convinced me to open the link. No need to read the whole thing, an unflattering picture of him was the first thing that caught my attention. This article was about him. About his trial, only few weeks after he met me (he knew he as going to court when he met me), and about his 7 year sentence for sexual assaults on models. The article also mentioned the fact he was actually 42, and that he had previously served a six-year sentence for raping a 85 year-old woman, when he was just aged 22.
Realizing that such a disgusting man put his hands on me and abused me makes me feel incredibly dirty. The obsession about him obviously got worse since I know the truth, and I find myself thinking about him too many times during the day.
@Ehlisa
Honestly, while reading your story, I was amazed by all the courage you had. When I arrived to the end, the thought of you being dirty didn't even go through my mind. I think you were incredibly brave to talk about it, this is not something easy to do - having confused memories doesn't help either, especially if this episode is frequently on your mind.
I'm just shocked to know how gross some men can be. He sexually abused so many people, that's so messed up. I'm sorry you had to deal with him, you didn't deserve it at all but still, it's NOT your fault. That's something really hard to accept at times, yet the fact a dirty man did dirty things to you doesn't mean you are worse, ruined, broken or anything. You're an awesome person, and no one has the right to disrespect you like that.
Have you tried seeking for professional help? That might give you a more complete insight about the situation. Seriously though, I'd never wish experiences like this to anyone, but you went through it and you're here to talk about it - that's the first step. Just try to let it go. Try not to let it influence your life. You're way too special to let your past make your present worse. <3
Hello @Resiti !
First, thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and leave a message, I appreciate it beyond words.Your support just made me feel incredibly better about the situation. Even if it is something that I am being told all the time, I guess it is always good to be reminded that it is not my fault, and that it doesn't make me weak or dirty.
The UK police has been incredibly helpful and supportive, they put me in contact with three different organizations to have counselling and emotional support. It helps A LOT, and I feel really lucky to have so much support.
The funny thing is that this story got obsessing when I realized that I potentially had the power to extend his sentence in prison. As crazy as it sounds, I have sympathy for him (Stockholm Syndrome, some would say) and I can't imagine having such a hard impact on someone's life. (How ironic) Because you can't put someone in a room and expect him to change overnight, or even over ten years. I don't believe in the prison system, I believe in therapy and psychological help, but in the meantime, that is the only solution to make sure he won't rape any other girl I guess.
Thank you a lot for your support, it means a lot! <3
@Ehlisa
I get how you feel, I had some bad experiences related to this topic as well and it's always useful to be reminded in the end we are important and valued even if someone hurt us. If you ever need support, just tag me somewhere and I'll come, you're truly inspiring and knowing I made you feel better is so good.
Stockholm Syndrome can happen, and even if it's not an official diagnosis I kind of get how it feels to have so much power on someone's life - we're talking about years in prison, this definitely changes a life. Anyways, he changed your life as well in the end. Sometimes we have to be rational and think about the best solution which in this case would be forbidding him to make other girls pass what you've been through.
In the end, as you stated "I believe in therapy and psychological help " I wholeheartedly agree, everyone deserves it - you too, and I'm glad you received the support you deserved and it's helping.
Carry on like this, you're doing a great job acknowledging your feelings and working on them, I wish you the very best with your life. <3
Eh, first of all, sorry I've been so long to reply, and thank you again for your support.
I am sorry to hear you've been through similar things, and I truly hope today you are free from any kind of bad thoughts those events might have created in your mind.
You are definitely right, and I did report it only for the other girls. I don't mind about people hurting me, but I don't want them to hurt others. Thanks for reminding me what sometimes is obvious, i think i needed your wise words.
Thank you again, and all the best for you as well. You're a good person <3
If you ever want to chat to anyone I'm a listener here and would like to help you if you ever need it.
Thank you very much @speaktome ! I really appreciate you telling me this, it means a lot. I might send you a message soon, when I'll have time to spend on the website<; Thank you very much x
Hey there @Ehlisa, I read your post and honestly I do not think that this is anyway your fault. Even obsessing over this is okay, it makes sense, you've been through a lot and it's impacted your life adversely.
Unlike you, I don't have any sympathy for the man and even though I don't know his complete story, I know enough to know what he did was wrong, he did not have any guilt or remorse or there would not have been so many repeat systems.
The prison system is not perfect and I believe in therapy and psychological help as well but I think punishment is necessary for someone to repent, in this case, it's important to make sure he stays behind bars so other people are safe and do not go through the same things that you went through.
I'm glad you've got emotional support and counseling, I hope with time everything smoothens out for you and life doesn't throw anymore challenges at you, good luck for the future and remember, it's okay to think about this, it's okay to ponder over it, just try to make sure it doesn't consume you, because you are so much, this incident does not define you.
Hello @DHawks !
First of all thank you for taking time to send me a message, it means a lot. I think I needed to be reminded that the thoughts that came with the incident are normal, I guess they are sometimes just so overwhelming that it makes me think I am crazy, but you're right. I am far from being guilty or mad.
Just like you, I wish I had no sympathy for him, because as you can imagine, it just makes things even more complicated, but I guess it must be another sort of coping mechanism, that hopefully I will get rid of soon.
thank you very much for your support, it my darkest moments, I will come back to your message to remind me that I am way more than the incident and that the person he tried to make me think I was.
I am sorry this man made you feel dirty. I have no sympathy for him, he obviously doesn't feel bad about hurting women and will resume doing so again the moment he is released from prison. It's best to report it so at least he'll be notorious enough to make it less likely he can victimize someone in the future. You've done nothing wrong.
Thank you very much for yor message! you are right, he never ever apologized to any of his victims, and never recognized he did something wrong. He even (obviously) blame them in court. I just need to remind me all these details that prove he's a horrible man when I doubt about it my decision to report it to the police.
xx
So this is how it ends guys.
'Not enough evidence' they said. 'Too late' they said.
Shaun Colclough, a known sexual abuser, already in prison for seven years, wont appear in court for what I reported him for. After a first 6 year sentence he served when he was just aged 22, and his second trial last year that resulted in another 7 year sentence, the Crown Prosecution Court finally decided that he wouldn't get charged with any other offences. (well, for now..) They say rape is the second most serious crime after murder, but still, they do not give the victim a chance to testify in court. With an history like his, I thought it would be easy to prove he's guilty, but apparently it was not enough. I can not imagine how hard it must be for women to report someone with a clear history, and I now sadly understand why most of them do not do it.
In my case, four brave women reported him before me and put him behind bars, allowing me to talk to the police without the fear of reprisal, knowing that I will be believed. You do not have responsibility to report rape/sexual assault for the sake of other potential victims, and it is your right to decide to report it or not, but reporting it/talking about it can make a huge difference and I know that my statement will support other victims in their decision to talk about it to the police. It was painful, incredibly painful (it still is), and even if this experience ends on a sour note, at the end it was worth it.
Oh my gosh!, amazing story. I am so happy you have the courage to share this.
Thank you very much! I hope this story will help other people!
Just a little update:
Yesterday I've seen my counselor and finally had a chance to tell her about the decision the police took. She was obviously outraged and convinced me not to give up.
I arranged a meeting with the Detective Inspector who took the decision to not send my case to the Crown Prosecution Services, so he can explain me why he took this decision and so I can expose him all the reasons why I think it is a huge mistake. Hopefully, an advocate from the Victim Support charity will come with me to assist the meeting and help me to convince this man to reconsider his decision.
If after this meeting, the case is still not sent to the CPS, I will make a complaint to the Police. My counselor made me realize that the only thing that will ever stop this man is prison. When he met me, he knew he was going to go to court, and maybe also knew he was going back to prison, but still, he did what he did. So for the sake of other potential victims, I am going to fight. I might not succeed, but at least, I would have done everything in my power to stop him from hurting people.
@Ehlisa
What really gave me confidence in your future recovery was that you actually have sympathy for him, after everything.
To me that proves that you are a really special person, and will move on from this.
I too hope that you will get somewhere with the police on this - although once again I'm amazed that you don't seem motivated by revenge, but by a need to care for and protect others like yourself . However at the end of the day your best path might be to find out how you can petition the parole board so that he doesn't get out early.
Just a thought.
A common story these days. Nothing surprising. But do not worry, I think you have everything right. By the way, finding a job as a designer is not so difficult when you are familiar with photoshop.
@Ehlisa
First of all, I appreciate the fact that you posted your story on this forum which takes a lot of courage. And second, I am so sorry to hear that the photographer raped you and various other woman. It's natural to feel like you wanted to give him second chance as everybody desrves it. But in this case, you were somewhat wrong because this guy has already received a lot of second chances and he still continued to commit the crime. Although you yourself could have reported him but I am glad that he was finally sent to the court.
