Is this abuse?
Ok I'm 13 and for unknown reasons I still wet myself day and night. All my life I have been changed by other people,step dad, school nurse my friends dad and brother, mom the lusl goes on. It has been suggested that I am being abused,ev even though I have asked to be changed. TBH there is alot going on with me but in general i have been treated like a small child or baby even. A psychiatrist suggested to my parents that I want and need to be a child. Basically I want to know if these people changing me is abuse? I welcome your feedback. Thanks.
It seems to me it is not abuse when people simply help you with something you need help with. Abuse is when people do something harmful.
When I Googled the subject, I read that quite a lot of people in their teens still wet themselves. Mostly, things improve as they get older. The cause of it is generally medical, not psychological.
I notice you say there is a lot going on with you, so I get the impression the situation is quite complicated. If you would ever like to chat about it in more detail, feel free to message me.
@MJ420
@RarelyCharlie what is considered " harmful " (abuse) is subjective even when it is physical and a person is being hurt one culture might consider it to be abuse and another culture would not consider the same treatment abuse and psychological/emotional abuse that doesnt cause physical injury and physical pain is even more likely to be subjective . it could be argued then that anything thats done to a child , or anyone, cannot be considered abuse if there is some group of people somewhere in the world who thinks its acceptable . but as a society we must draw the line somewhere or nothing will be considered emotional/psychological/sexual abuse we dont want to consider everything abuse but at the same time as a society dont want to go so far and be so acceptiong that nothing is considered abuse . for a teenage girl to be changed and treated like a baby by different men and boys (even if there is a wipe cloth between their hand and the teen girl they are still looking and touching an area that the girl is capable of doing herself privately) if she is physically and mentally able to do that by herself maybe we should draw the line? and while there are many teens who do experience incontenence those teens are being changed like an infant by people?
I partly agree. However, reading and re-reading the original post I don't get any impression that subjective harm is being reported here. Saying "It has been suggested...even though I have asked..." seems to imply the opposite, I think—that @MJ420 disagrees with what has been suggested.
I strongly disagree that we (we listeners here at 7 Cups) should be the ones to draw any line.
I do agree that it's probably unusual for a teenager to need help in this way, but we don't know the whole story here, and "TBH there is alot going on with me..." does suggest that the whole story might be a complicated one. I can imagine that other disabilities might be involved. People do sometimes react to disabilities by treating the disabled person like a child.
The psychiatrist's remark seems unusual and unhelpful in a blame-the-victim kind of way, but again we don't know the context.
@jennysunrise8
@RarelyCharlie i was referring to society in general drawing the line and defining what abuse is not listeners and i think that it would be commonly believed in most cultures that a 13 year old who is not disabled mentally or physically disabled and able to change herself should at that age do that and have some privacy at that age in any case her friends brother and other men her friends dad shouldnt be doing it i think most people in this culture would condider that unusual and maybe more an example of emotional/psychological abuse rather than actual sexual abuse (at this point) but a teenager being treated in an infantile way
@RarelyCharlie i think a lot of people would consider it psychologically harmful to treat a teenager as a baby and i i think men and teen boys changing her if not sexual abuse i believe its sexual or can become sexual we can only guess whats in each persons mind maybe theyre not thinking sexually at all but its not safe to do in my opinion and i think many people would consider it sexual abuse or psychological abuse or both
@MJ420
Hi there
I would like to ask you these questions if that's ok
Do you feel you have a sense of control over yourself at your home?
Has anyone changed you when you didn't want or need to be changed?
Have your parents or guardians talked with you about what may be causing the wetting whether it's a physical or psychological reason?
Do you feel like you could talk with them about it?
Does anyone who changes you make you feel uncomfortable?
I understand your situation is complicated and we don't know much about it.
My main concern is if you are ok, not what anyone else thinks about you.
I want you to know every person especially a 13 year old is allowed to draw boundaries and be in control of their body
Also I admire your courage in asking the question and writing about your situation
@wittySpruce8187 the problem with defining abuse only as something that makes a person feel uncomfortable is that if its behavior that has always existed toward that person they are going to be comfortable with it and see it as normal if thats what theyve been used to their entire life there is also emotional disassociation
There's is some more background in another thread, by the way.
@wittySpruce8187
@wittySpruce8187
Ok to answer your questions
I don't have much control over myself, up until recently most everything was decided for me, although I have recently been given a little more control.
2. No i have never been changed w/o my permission or need, I usually ask to be changed.
3. Yes i have talked to my mom and stepdad about it. I have been to numerous doctors psychial and psychiatrist. Yes i can talk to them. Tbh I'd have to say that I feel they will listen to certain extent.
4. No I have never felt uncomfortable being changed, again tbh it has been embarrassing being changed in front of people.
@MJ420 im so glad you decided to start this thread and are looking for outside opinions and feedback i hope more people give theirs as your not disabled and can change yourself and are obviously intelligent enough i believe you should change yourself a person should have control over their own body and people should want to give people control over their own body and should have an awareness and respect that the person is feeling embarassed (or do have an awareness of your discomfort and embarassment but dont care and it may be different for each person changing you but either way you have a good reason for feeling embarassed children desire privacy and get embarassed with lack of privacy at at early age) mostly what your describing is a lack of bodily integrity here in this sexual abuse section there are probabally resources on bodily integrity and you can look online and maybe some people here will direct you to more reading material but knowledge is power you can start learning about it going to the links below
the idea of one having control over their body is called bodily integrity https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodily_integrity
Bodily integrity is the inviolability of the physical body and emphasizes the importance of personal autonomy and the self-determination of human beings over their own bodies (including children and teens) and throughout the world its commonly respected as a human right and in those places in the world where its not respected humans are fighting tooth and nail so that it is respected
https://www.deccanherald.com/national/sc-bodily-integrity-girl-cant-680096.html
@jennysunrise8
Cool I'll look it up.
@wittySpruce8187
Also mostly changed by females or if changed by male was usually female in the room. But not always.
My concern isn't what any legal or any type of definition of abuse is
She is a person asking for help so am I asking her how she feels to better understand the situation and help her
Another person's definition societal legal whatever isn't going to change this young persons life at this very moment
Just let her speak
@wittySpruce8187
Hi,thank t for wanting to talk to me.
I'd very much like to talk with you too. Hope to hear from you soon.
@MJ420
Let me be clear.
It has been suggested that I may be being sexually abused. I have 0 bladder control. I currently wear cloth training pants. I am not disabeld. Adult male and female change me when im wet. Including usuinu a wipe to clean me off. That's it in a nutshell. Thanks for your feedback.
