I told my boss about my rape
Hi!
I'm 36 now but when I was15 I was raped while on holiday by a stranger and then several times after whilst in an abusive relationship from 19-21yrs. My mental health recently had really taken a knock. Ive been doing really well but Im struggling at the moment. I have counselling every week which my work allow me to attend during work hours which is great. Ive had several miscarriages and bereavements so they just assume its that. Only a few people know about the above.
So I decided to tell my boss but as Im not comfortable in saying it out loud I wrote him a letter. I told him that it had things in I couldnt say out loud and its up to him how he replys or if at all but I just wanted him to know as I think it might help in my recovery.
He messaged me to say he didnt have any words at this point but hes always there for a chat, coffee and to help how he can. This is a great start but Im so scared and my anxiety is through the roof about the first meeting with him next week. Its such a big part of me but its also a part of me which eats away at me and sometimes feels like its suffocating me!
Im glad I told him but I wish it wasnt something a had to tell him or anyone for that matter! I suppose I feel vulnerable as when I told my ex he then turned abusive and blamed me for the rape and then he would rape me as punishment for being a freak!
@craftyqueen
Aww I know that feeling of "I'm glad I told, but also wish it wasn't something I have to deal with." Accepting things as they are and trying not to be bitter about it is such an ongoing battle. It sounds like you're working on having more people in your corner. It takes a long time to trust and I think it's amazing that you opened up to your boss like this. I've had such diverse experiences with bosses and it sounds like they were very responsive about it, which is awesome!
How did your meeting with him go? Now that it's out there, was it easier to discuss its impact on your work with your boss?
We're here if you want to talk about it more.
@Hoxenos thanks for replying x Meeting went really well! Weve met a couple of times since as well and hes so supportive about it all! I said I still find it really difficult to say the words out loud. He just listened which was what I needed. I said I felt ashamed and embarrassed by it but I have started to realise it wasnt my fault! He said the doors always open and the phones always on. I said I dont need any more than that but I was so glad I had told him. It felt like a weight had been lifted.
I said no mater how hard things get I will always give everything my all. Although that often comes at a cost to my mental health.
Apologies for the late reply Ive not been great this week and have shut myself away a bit when I can. Im feeling mentally burnt out at the moment and thats hard when Ive got the children to look after and a job to do. I do a lot of charity events at my work place which is great and had given a lot of people happiness but at a cost to me. I love making people happy but have neglected myself recently. One day at a time x