Just please give me honesty. I have enough sugar.

@Guiltyvictim, it was absolutely not your fault! The technicalities of whether it was legally assault depends on the laws where you live, but whether it was borderline "legal" or not, what happened to you wasn't right and it wasn't, in any way, your fault. When there's a big age difference, especially when there's a difference in position of power like with a student and a teacher, it's not okay for the adult to take advantage of the younger person even if the younger person gives consent at the time. It's not okay because it cannot be a healthy relationship when there's an unfair balance of power, as there is in a relationship because a student and a teacher, or an adult and a teenager, from the very beginning of it. The teacher should have known better. They should have looked for a partner outside of the school, and ideally for someone closer to their age because you can be the most mature 17 year old in the world, but a 30 year age gap is a gap of a lot of life experiences. No matter how mature you are, it was not a fair balance of power in the "relationship," and it was up to them, not to you, to recognize that and understand that it was wrong. The teacher is in the wrong here. Not you.

The feelings surrounding a situation like this can be very confusing and painful, and it can be hard to sort out how you feel or even what really happened. I definetly encourage you to think about reaching out to people in your life for support if you haven't already. Carrying a burden like this is hard enough when it isn't being kept a secret, and you deserve compassion, care, and support from the people nearest to you to help you heal from such a difficult experience. And you will heal from this. Not overnight or with the snap of your fingers, but this is going to get better and these confusing and painful feelings are not going to be with you forever.

Thank you for sharing here!