My story of abuse

Hello, reading the various posts I'm getting courage to tell and exorcise a bit what happened to me more or less 3 years ago. I still feel stupid for being too naïve in trusting people who were actually worth less than a penny.

It was my first year at college, and I had recently had my first relationship.

Shortly thereafter, I met a boy with whom I had a sort of relationship. I was still a little scared of having a full relationship as the first attempts I had before meeting him were very painful and for this reason I wanted to wait to be 100% sure.

So I did, until I gave in to his demands and we tried to do it entirely.

I felt bad, I didn't immediately understand what was happening but I warned him that something was going wrong.

After telling him several times that I was feeling bad he stopped, he walked away, and we soon realized that something was really wrong.

I still have no idea what happened to me, but I had a very strong hemorrhage.

I got up and noticed the pool of blood. I ran to the bathroom and passed out on the floor for a few seconds. The blood did not stop flowing. When I regained consciousness I tried to stop. I remember having to change 8 tampons in less than 20 minutes because they were completely soaked.

He left. And he left me alone, late at night, in absolute panic. The bastard was studying nursing and, in time of need, he turned his back on me.

Days passed, I continued to bleed for a while until he stopped by himself. I was left alone in the city at that time (it was the days before Christmas) and I didn't say anything to anyone, partly out of shame, partly because I was afraid.

About twenty days later he wrote me a message in which he told me that he did not want to see me anymore because of what had happened and, later in time, I learned that he told what happened in a completely different way to his whole circle of friends, making me pass for what I was not and making everyone disgust me.

After years I still meet people who know my story before knowing me, and every time it is a blow to the heart that brings me back to that night, to that feeling of anguish and loneliness.

After living this story I continued to have unhealthy relationships, which punctually ended up hurting me emotionally and psychologically.

Everyone always leaves me with extreme ease, none of them ever really cared about me.

I don't know if this can be called a story of abuse, but it is certainly a painful story, of psychological violence, which I still can't completely overcome.

I still have strong problems in trusting people, I have moved away from many people in recent years and I often feel a strong disgust in mankind and especially in men.

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who loves me very much and without whom I probably would not have been able to move forward in my life.

I still have problems with panic attacks / images in my mind that bring me back to those emotions, those scenes from the past that make me feel very bad, but thanks to his support I can carry on.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to take off this burden, I am grateful to you.