Past sexual abuse ruining my current relationship
Hi. Ive never posted on here before. Im here because last year and earlier this year, I was in a sexually manipulative relationship. My boyfriend at the time raped me and it took months for me to realize what actually happened- I realized after I already broke up with him. He goes to the same university as me and cornered me one day after I broke up with him to catch up for half an hour and guilted me when I tried to leave, so that only added to the anxiety Ive felt after I left him. This is not the first boyfriend of mine to manipulative me and use me for sex. Ive had a history of this treatment and its affecting my current relationship with my kind, supportive boyfriend. I often feel like I have to have sex even though hes not doing anything to make me feel that way. The slightest thing will set me off and make me feel like Im being forced again. It sucks because hes not hurting me at all and its completely my past relationship haunting me and not allowing me to be happy. I need to get therapy but dont know how bc Im a broke college student. Its getting worse with time and I just really need help and a friend.
You have been very brave to go through all of this and still believe in love and give it a chance. There may be challenges in this relationship, but you should be proud of yourself for surviving abusive relationships and still give yourself a chance to be happy and in love!
Your issues are totally comprehensible, you don't have to feel bad for experiencing them, since it's not your fault. Never lose hope that it can get better with time. I fon't know if you've told your partner about this part of your story, and of course it's your right to keep it for yourself if you think that's what would make you feel comfortable. But if you tell him about it, I'm sure he will understand and do his best to support you, because he cares for you and wants you to feel good. Talking about our burdens can help a lot.
You may try to look for a support group for abuse survivors. It's not the same as a therapist, but free group support can also be helpful. Or you could try 7 Cups online therapists - I've never tried the service myself, but I've been told they are cheaper than regular therapists. And of course, 7 Cups listeners are also here! You're never alone. And you can make it!
@Aayla I have told him and he
@ZeppelinRose I'm so glad you have someone supportive by your side! I'm sure his supportive presence and dedication to you and your needs will work wonders, with time. In the meantime, feel free to also look for any other source of support you find suitable. There's no such thig as too much self care. And you deserve all the good in the world. You're much stronger than you think!