Stupid mind and body **trigger warning**

I don't think I was supposed to survive what he put me through and sometimes I still have phantom pains. Every night is the same nightmares of him raping me and him making a "game" out of it. Him closing off my airways, pulling my hair, punching me in the stomach or wherever he could get his hands.. He hated when I wouldn't react when I would stay quiet. I would always hope that the longer I was quiet the faster it would stop.. People have asked me why I didn't speak up about it.. Truth is I did. I told my mum what he was doing and she beat me with the belt and told me to shut up about it. She then told him that id spoken to her and I copped it worse. Before I told my mum it was touching. That escalated quickly into raping me which was my punishment for telling and I was 7 years old when this started. He used this as my punishment more often and when I wouldn't react quickly enough for him is when it would start. I knew I couldn't trust anyone and I quickly learnt to never speak of it and pretend everything was fine at home. I began protecting my sisters from him and my mum because I knew no one would save us. I started to encourage my sisters to spend nights at their friends and our aunties. This way I knew they were being fed looked after and didn't have to worry that mum would snap and come after them. Im surprised that the man who abused me never managed to kill me because he caused alot of serious issues times where I would have to be off school for 2 week to heal..