Trigger warning
I just really needed to say this out loud as I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to tell my family
I have a little sister, she is now 18 and I am 22. She is a few years younger than me and when we were children we used to go to our grandma's house almost every weekend. We loved being there all the time. My grandmother was with this guy for Many years, they never got married but we called him grandpa ___his name___
When we would stay over we all slept in the same bed. And we always slept the same way going left to right it was always my grandma, me, my sister, and finally "granpa".
We did it for months. Then one day my sister got weird and wanted to switch spots with me, it was whatever at the time because my sister always got what she wanted if she cried. Then the night came... all he did was snore and breath down My neck. Smelled of stale cigarettes and beer. And after everyone had fallen asleep i woke up to him grinding and groping me. That night I knew that it was wrong and I had tears rolling down my face. I swore to never let my sister be touched like that and never let her sleep in this spot. I was the older sister, and I needed to protect her. I have never spoken a word about this to any of my family members because I know they will tell me that I'm lying about it. I didn't realize what exactly it was until I got older but by then my grandma and him had been separated after he almost killed her.
I have been molested and raped by 3 people. Even though "grandpa" didn't penetrate.... I was 10 years old...and I don't know if I should try to say anything or if I should keep It to myself... I haven't even told my fiance about it.. not a sole knows about my first ever molestation..
When I was a teen I was beaten up by a teacher. Back then corporal punishment was common. I got a permanent though minor disfigurement from that.
The fellow has had a successful career. What he did to me didn’t affect him in any way.
My point is that there’s no point worrying about things in the past you had no control over. If said person is out of your lives, then just move on. But do tell your fiancé. If said person is still involved with your lives, cut him and that part of the family off completely or confront him and make sure that people see him as a pedophile rapist in the time that he has left.
Death is the final extinction and nothing will matter after the span of your life. Therefore, focus on making the present and future a happy one for yourself and don’t dwell on the past if nothing can be done about it.
@angeldobz19 Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine what that was like. As for whether or not to tell family members, I think it depends on the person and the reason. Not everyone is understanding of sexual assault/abuse. I remember telling my first boyfriend that I had been raped before we started dating and his response was filled with anger. Not so much for what happened to me but because I had lied about being a virgin. So he felt deceived. At the same time, I'm glad I was able to see his true colors. So it's totally up to you and your comfort level. Good luck!
I really sorry this happened to you ... You were so brave for protecting your sister even though you would be taking on the assaults. Both of you didn't deserve this, no one does. I think it would definitely bring you some relief to tell your family or fiance about this (when you are ready of course). Talk with your sister and tell them together. I think considering that you mentioned he had almost killed your grandma, I'd hope your family could see that you are telling the truth and will help you (if you wish for help). Telling them with your sister to back you up could help in this situation because you'd have strength in numbers.
Maybe if you feel more comfortable, you could let your fiance know first? Do you think they are someone who would understand or a safe person to talk to (have they expressed empathy/sympathy for anyone else who's had a story like this before? maybe even just a character in a movie?). I'm not sure if this next thing would be the best idea but it could make it easier for you: maybe try presenting this as a story you heard somewhere, see everyone's reaction and then from there you could go "well that person was me, and my little sister".
If everyone reacts badly then you know that they are unfortunately just part of the toxic population if the world and you should go out there and find people who will help you heal and grow and hear you. If they react well, then you know you can trust them and that they'll be there for you... if we're being honest here it's often the anticipation that is the worst part. Yes a bad reaction can be horrible if it does happen but then you'll still have some relief that you told someone. You can begin to move on fully and get the help you deserve excluding them x
Apologies for the long message but I hope this may give you a little guidance or clarity :) x take care of yourself x
I had something similar happen, but it was with a sibling who is actually a really reallt good person now, we were really young when it happened. It took me 6 years of being together to tell my husband about what happened, I didn't tell him it was my sibling I said it was a distant cousin, but I felt a lot better telling him that it had happened. I didn't feel it was important for him to know who did it, just that it had happened to me and affected me. Hope this helps.
