Was I at the fault ? Should I blame myself?

I think you need to tell us what happened. Let it out..

@shouKo25

Hey Shou❤

You can vent/share at your pace and comfort level, we are here to support you. Firstly, I really appreciate you for sharing something so personal to you. This is so so brave of you, you wrote you can't express to anyone and find it hard because of how parents might put restrictions or people like your ex might judge/blame you. I want to let you know that this is a very safe, non-judgmental, always open space for you to express yourself❤

I am so sorry, Shou you had to face sexual assault multiple times it can indeed have some really big impact on your mental health or how you see yourself and the world, I can relate to that, you are not alone💙

It's a common trauma response to 'freeze' when such incidents happens so feeling blank is very natural. Shou, it's not your fault, they chose to harm you regardless of how your body reacted. The only people at fault are them. I can relate, I was 16 when molested by a tuition teacher and I felt exactly the same way that I am weak and I won't be able to protect myself. But, Shou now at 20, when I look back I see I have come a long way, I recently faced an even severe trauma but it's always they who choose to attack, it is not about you being weak in any way.

I totally relate to when you said you feel like you don't deserve your body, I can feel the pain behind this. I have multiple times faced sexual violence, people have questioned me too that why it's always me, Shou, you are not alone, the blame doesn't belong where it is now.

You being a teen, I am not very sure if you can avail therapist on your own or book sessions without parent's consent but we are there for you in whichever ways we can and try to keep looking for more support, Shou you deserve care and support. You are cared for here💙 (I am sorry if you found this too long to read)

It's your unique journey, kind wishes to you❤

Hi

This happened to me also when I was younger. I remember being a teenager and going through the same exact thoughts you have listed. This is a process and what ur feeling is VALID. I never felt understood & I still have a hard time trusting others so I understand if you feel comprehensive about my advice. I also never told my family about my abuse because I was afraid they would look at me as if I was fragile & I hate being looked down on. All I can say is that you should continue doing this & expressing urself in a safe environment like this :)

Everytime I talked about what happened to me I learned a little more of who I really am( who I am outside of the trauma I experienced). Im still trying to work on it myself after 20 years of the experience but I suppressed it for ALOT of years until I hit rock bottom and am now seeking professional help. You are still a wonderful you. The trauma ur abusers caused is the lowest thing a human can do. But I am very proud that u have the courage to share here with others you thoughts and process of how ur dealing with ur trauma. Im here if you need anything.