i feel trapped in my own home
My older brother molested me as a child. It happened for years, and only when we were about teenagers that it stopped. I'm currently 19 years old. And recently, I woke up at the middle of the night to him doing it again. I pretended to not have woken up. He stopped and left when I moved. I was so scared. I still am. I feel so ashamed and disgusted with my own body. It's gotten hard for me to sleep every night. I would cry myself to sleep every time I would remember everything. It's difficult. I don't knoq what to do.
I badly wanted to see a therapist because I know how much I needed to, but I couldn't find and afford one. I've also been hypersexual since I was a child. I just want to be normal. I don't know who I could talk to. I'm scared. I know I've said this a lot of times already but I am very scared. I just want to leave.
I'm sorry about what you're going through. You don't have to feel ashamed, it's all his fault! What he did doesn't change who you are as a person, it doesn't make you worse than anyone else. You are just a person to whom something terrible has happened, but it doesn't define who you are.
Your fear is absolutely understandable! I know it's hard, but you have the right to do something to protect yourself. The first step is always to get support. If you feel like there is someone in your family you can talk to, don't be afraid to do it! You deserve to be helped and not left alone. Talk about it, make yourself safe by any mean you can, like locking your room or trying to spend less time with him as possible, and keep looking for an accessible therapy option because you deserveit! 7 Cups also offers therapy services, you could try to check if it's affordable for you.
In other words, stay strong and fight for your rights, because you are worth it! I wish you all the best!
@Aayla Thank you. I appreciate your concern very much. I'm feeling so much better now. I was supposed to seek professional help the other day but I figured out that I just couldn't, I'm better now or at least I feel like I am. x
