i need to say this *TW*
i’ve told one person about this and their reaction to it makes me feel like it’s not a big deal and i don’t know if it is or not. i’ve been struggling with this for months and i can’t seem to talk about it but i need to say it because i just need feedback on what this is and what happened or if i’m making a bigger deal of this than i should be. this may be a bit detailed so if it will bother you, please do not read this. a few months ago i was dating a guy and whenever we would see each other he always wanted to do something sexual and most of the time i would not want to but by the end of the day we would always end up doing something and he would take me home and apologize because we did things. but specifically, one time i was at his house and he asked me if i wanted to have sex and i said i didn’t want to. he asked me why and i just said that i just didn’t want to. he continued to ask me a few more times until he realized that i really just was not going to change my answer. we later smoked “mj” and it was my first time in a while and i was a bit too high. he walked me over to his room and for a while we were watching a show then we kissed and he started to remove my clothes. i was still very high and everything was loopy. he asked me again while he was taking my clothes off and i said “i just really don’t think i want to, ok?” but he continued to remove my clothes and finally when i was sprawled of his bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to move, he asked me again and i said okay. i felt as though it was going to happen anyway. but i still said yes in the end. did i consent? am i making a big deal out of this? i just need to know what happened, please.
Hello! Don't think it's not a big deal, because it is, the person who makes you feel like that is wrong. You are not the problem, it is the other guy. You weren't able to think properly because of '' mj'' and sexual assault you. You weren' t constant, and even if you say '' yes'', like I said you weren' t consentent plus he continue Whereas you refuse the first time. And from what I understood he did not do it only once. He forced you Allright, he had Benefits that you weren't in good state to make you things like that. I'm sorry that you have to live that. But remember, it is not you fault and yeah it is a big deal. You aren't in fault. You can go through this 💜
Hi @gentleBeach6111
It is completely normal to be questioning yourself following a traumatic event - and this indeed was traumatic because it has caused you this inner turmoil and distress and questioning.
The rule of thumb with consent is if it is not an enthusiastic "yes" then it is a no. When it comes to you, your mind, your body, your choices, you always have the right to say no and change your mind. I am so very sorry that you were seeing someone who did not respect your words, your actions, or your emotions and chose to proceed anyway. That is not a good person.
You are worthy of respect, and respect for your own autonomy is the most basic of respect.
If you would like to look into resources that might help, let us know - this community is a gold mine for websites, books, podcasts that aim to support people in whatever they are going through.
Wishing you the best,
-Jo
What happened to you is "Date Rape"! This guy plied you with drugs, and after you became high, and even after you kept saying no many times, he kept touching you, removed your clothes and when you were not in your senses, naked, staring at the ceiling, prefunctorily asked you if you wanted it. I mean how many times do you have to say no, to get through to his thick skull?
What he did was simple. Made you high and raped you. You were in no position to give consent! This is date rape, pure and simple! This guy is not worth it. He belongs in jail. Hasn't he heard of no means no?
hi baby thats not ok it IS a big deal. From the moment that u were high he took advantage of u when he knew that the first answer before getting high was no and he did it anyways. Still if he didn't even disgust it in the first place and u just got high and he did it to u it still is not ok.
Unfortunately, there are asshats like this everywhere that do not respect a woman's boundaries when you so firmly set them, early on in the evening. In most, if not all states, you cannot "give" consent once your mind/thinking is altered by any drug or alcohol consumption. So yes, you are having the appropriate response in questioning if it was date rape or not.
I try not to throw stones, but for me, I would be walking away from the situation and leaving no chance for him to repeat his actions. I don't know what your relationship is like outside of this event, but it would leave my trust broken and my mind wondering if he has been emboldened by this act.
I do wish you peace in your heart and clarity in mind so you can make the best de ision for yourself at this time.
