is this my fault? (need this off my chest)

@loyalMap8095

Hi! First of all, I just want you to know that the lines between giving sexual consent and being affected by alcohol is so blurry that it's completely okay to be questioning things and feeling confused. I see how you began to trust that guy, but even if you think you gave consent, having sex with someone who is obviously drunk is not okay or acceptable. If you're not able to drive when you are drunk, you shouldn't be able to say yes when you are intoxicated. I'm not sure if the other guy was drunk or as drunk, but even then, you should not have felt obliged or pressured in any way. I hope this helps and just know that this is a hazy topic in general and we are here to support you.

@loyalMap8095

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Hi im 18 and last weekend i was at a club and this mildly attractive guy and i started talking, he was buying me a lot of shots and i remember in the middle of us talking he even said i dont want to get you too drunk (Hmm this line is suspicious to me because if he didn't want to get you drunk then he wouldn't have bought you all of those drinks) this made me trust him more and share even more shots with him. the night went on and i ended up getting so drunk i lost my bag, and after that i only remember like flashes of what happened but from what i can remember i was in his hotel room doing stuff not intercourse but i was pleasing him ew. anyway i get another memory of me in his friends separate room. part of the memory is me asking if he had a condom... and another part is intercourse. which is so weird that i only remember like literally 2 seconds of it because it was my first time...(This doesn't seem like you were in your five sense to give an actual consent for this to happen, so i could see why you would feel the way you do about what happened that night) then i remember getting put in an uber and then i woke up at home. (This was really awful of him to do...) it took me a minute or 2 to recollect my thoughts i was so confused on what i did after the club. i called my friend who was with me at the club she says the last thing she remembers is me ditching her and being all in love with the guy who was buying me shots. i started remembering certain moments of what i had done, and immediately felt ashamed. (This probably was tough thing to go through, specially when the thoughts come flooding in about those events. I would like to say that you were not in your five sense at the time, so it's not your fault. I do feel he shouldn't have taken you to a hotel since you were drunk, the honorable thing to do would have been to send you home) i cant believe i was with 2 guys and that i remember 2 seconds of me losing my virginity. and if i was all in love with one guy and asked the other for a condom i think those guys believe i consented.(I can see you feel shocked about what happened, rightfully so after not remembering much of what happened. You definetly didn't give them consent about this) but now i still get anxiety and feel stress thinking about it. (It's understandable you are feeling this way after what happened that night, the thoughts and reminiscing can be overwhelming which leads you to beating yourself up) i used to be really cool and chill with the idea of sex but now it reminds me of those guys and it makes me so uncomfortable. (It's completly normal you are expercing this now, even more so when you didn't give consent to those guys. I feel they took complete advantage of you, and that wasn't okay. You have every right to feel uncomfortable after what happened with them) i think it was my fault and i think drunk me did consent. (I would say the three of you share the fault, it wasn't handled properly. It's not all your fault, and consent only applies when a person is on their 5 sense during intercouse) it feels so wrong in my spirit though. i wish i couldve just forgot about the whole night instead of remembering those parts. (It's normal to wish for that, its like those thoughts tend to come the surface each time and then it makes you feel worst about the situation) i know theres little to nothing to say but i honestly just needed to get this off my chest. i only told my friend who was there but i felt stupid to say how bad i felt about it , thank you for reading.

@loyalMap8095 it feels wrong & you feel ashamed & dirty & guilty & uncomfortable bc you were drunk. you think that bc you were drunk & attracted to him, that it

@loyalMap8095 it feels wrong & you feel ashamed & dirty & guilty & uncomfortable bc you were drunk. you think that bc you were drunk & attracted to him, that its your fault. youre thinking about it so much bc you know something about it isnt okay. its bc you were so intoxicated. you werent in your right mind & you were not able to consent in such a mental state. if you were so drunk you cant remember then he shouldnt have laid a finger on you. what he did was take advantage of you. & that is not okay. thats on him. not you. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! ive experienced a similar experience myself. im sorry this happened to you. & im so incredibly proud of you for pushing through such a shitty situation. its hard. it really is. sending love, support, and good energy your way!