my mom is still friends with my rapist

she knows everything he did, i’ve told her. hell, she was the one who answered the door when CPS came to interview me about the case.

she’s still friends with him on facebook, still publicly will congratulate him on school accomplishments. next week is his birthday, and i know she’s going to make a post wishing him a happy birthday, just like she has every year. she’ll invite his mom over while i’m home and will intentionally ask her about him, how he’s doing in college, etc.

my entire life she put on this persona of a fiercely protective mama bear. she swore up and down if someone ever did something like that to one of their kids, she’d immediately eliminate all contact and do whatever she could to make the perpetrator pay. now she will intentionally try to talk me out of pressing charges. she claims that she just doesn’t want to rock the boat or “cause drama”.

i don’t understand how as a parent, someone whose sole job is to love, care for, and protect your child, you could possibly think that it’s justifiable to stay buddy buddy with a man who made years of your child’s life a living hell. why does she care more about her image and “rocking the boat” than my own pain?

should also be worth mentioning that i begged her for two years to let me go to therapy to deal with my obvious anxiety and signs of PTSD, and she’d always just say “i’ll think about it,” then promptly forget to think about it or take any action. i even tried to just find a therapist myself, but my parents refused to give me the insurance information, insisting they needed to do it themselves. surprise surprise, they never did it themselves.

despite all of that, i can’t stop telling myself she was a good mom, and i’m in the wrong for deep down wanting to go completely no contact with her some day.