Part I: The River - Exploring Life as a River
Welcome to part 1 of the Way of the River series.
We are going down the river of life in our kayak. At the start, it may feel unnatural or a little clumsy. Maybe we lose our paddle or get stuck on rocks, but with more experience we gradually learn to read the water.
With a little more experience we can begin to feel the current pulling us. Sometimes we might not want to follow the current. Instead, we might have our eye on a beautiful spot across the water on the side of a river bank. Many of us will work really hard to cross the river to get to that spot. It will require a lot of extra paddling because we are going against the current.
One sad, but instructive experience happens when you finally make it to that hoped for spot and realize it is not as good as you had imagined. You were sure it was going to be beautiful, but somehow it fell short of that beauty. This is frustrating because it took so much energy to get there.
Some of us are stubborn, slow to learn, or both, and we have to make this same mistake many, many, many times.
Eventually, however, we too learn how to read the water and follow the current. Sometimes the current leads us right past the spots we wanted to go and then surprises us around the bend with a far better spot. These are great situations. Oddly, even though we shouldn't, we often give ourselves credit for finding the new spot, when most of the credit should go to the current. Still, these are great times and should be deeply enjoyed because they do not happen all the time.
Other times the current can lead us down more treacherous waters with rocks, eddies, and sticks that can be tough to navigate. Sometimes we lose a paddle, flip the kayak and get wet. In particularly tough times, we may even get injured. We don’t usually take “credit” for our role in these situations and instead happily blame the current.
Why do these more challenging times happen?
I believe they happen so that we can learn. Nobody wants to feel the anxiety, difficulties, and sometimes pain that happens during these times, but these are indeed the times that teach us the most skill. We don’t learn to become master kayakers when the river is smooth. We learn how to be master kayakers on the rapids. Adversity challenges us to overcome.
So, what is the right approach?
The approach is one that goes against our natural impulses. It can sometimes feel like it goes against everything that is within us, especially when it is painful and not what we had hoped for. The stoics were master kayakers and they have a statement, “the problem is the path.” They encourage us to steer into the challenges and to trust the current. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages us to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn to solve a problem that we’ve been ignoring. These are wise words.
Abraham Maslow, another master kayaker, tells us to go further. He instructs us to see the challenges as a gift, to embrace them like we would a friend, to listen deeply and carefully to what they are telling us, to listen to their whispers. He encourages us to see the challenges as ends in and of themselves; and warns us not to look past them as a means to an end. He wants us to see and appreciate them for what they are – independent, difficult, and beautiful experiences.
The river of life brings us smooth, deep, and troubled waters. Thankfully we do not paddle alone. We find other kayakers on the water that also teach us lessons. Most of the lessons come down to following the current rather than insisting on our own plans. This key lesson is a lifetime lesson.
Reflection question: We have all gone through challenging times, or rough rapids, and overcome them in the past. What would you tell a friend going through difficult waters now?
I’m thankful that I have found all of you on the river. Thank you for paddling alongside me 🙏✨❤️.
This post is part 1 of The Way of the River Series. Find the complete information and all related posts here
Reading the theory is just the map, but the real progress happens in the water. Apply to join the exclusive closed group here and kayak together!
@GlenM
If a friend I really cared about were going through rough waters, I’d probably sit with them—emotionally, if not physically—and say something like this:
“I know it feels like everything is crashing over you right now, and you don’t deserve any of this pain. But I also know you. You’ve made it through things you thought would break you before, and you didn’t just survive—you grew. You learned. You came out with scars, sure, but also with strength. You don’t have to pretend to be okay, and you don’t have to handle this alone. I’m not here to fix everything, but I’m here to walk beside you. One step at a time. Even if the water is rough, we’ll move through it together.”
@VampireBats I really like what you've shared here. reminds me of that scene in goodwill hunting - you don't deserve this pain. and great imagery on the breaking and then the unbreakable spirit that emerges. beauty and strength here!
Here is the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQht2yOX9Js
@VampireBats
Even if the water is rough, we'll go through it together, that's a great way to frame things 🥰
I would tell my friend that whatever they're going through currently is only temporary. I would also remind them that God loves them & let them know they need to hold on & trust in God.
@TheGeminiInMe
Beautifully said 🥰
@GlenM
Imagine if a close friend were navigating those rough waters right now. Here's what I'd share with them. And I want you to feel like I'm saying this to you, because you deserve the same understanding and support you'd offer someone you care about:
"You don't have to pretend the rapids aren't scary. They are. But you've made it through rapids before, even ones you thought would break you. That means you already have proof that you're stronger and more capable than the water feels right now."
I'd remind them of three things:
1. You don't have to be graceful to make progress.
A lot of people think resilience looks calm and wise. It doesn't. Sometimes resilience is just not giving up while you're soaked, exhausted, and *** off at the river. That still counts as moving forward.
2. The rapids don't mean you're failing — they tell you're learning.
Every challenging situation in your life that felt "too much" later became part of your strength. This moment is doing the same thing, even if it feels like chaos from up close.
3. You're not alone in the kayak.
Even if you feel isolated, some people will paddle beside you, throw you a rope, or guide you from calmer water. You don't have to white-knuckle the whole river alone.
If I were speaking as a coach — direct, honest, caring — I'd say:
"Take a breath. Don't fight the whole river at once. Just navigate the next wave. And remember: you've survived 100% of your rough waters so far. That's not luck — that's you."
@ScorpiaD I like this hopeful messaging. you've done well before - see and feel that - and know that you'll do well in the future as well!
@ScorpiaD
Navigating rough waters, brilliant way to use this analogy 🥰
You don’t have to brave this alone, even the roughest waters eventually give way to calm. 🌞
@crimsonTangerine2797 such a good reminder that rough waters turn calm and every storm passes!
@crimsonTangerine2797
So true!
@crimsonTangerine2797
well said
@crimsonTangerine2797
Brilliant use of the analogy 🥰
@GlenM
Probably I would tell my friend: 'Maybe I cannot imagine how hard it is for you now and cannot feel what you feel. But I know you, and I know that you are a strong and capable and wonderful person. You survive the worst and stand up stonger than ever, and I believe in you! And I will be with you at any step of your journey if you need me, and won't let you fall into the water. Because you are important to me, you matter, and I'm sure you would do the same for me. That's why we are friends.'
@Diana44 I would feel very heartened by this! "you are important to me and you matter" <== I think that is what we mostly communicate here on 7 Cups!
I have been through rough rapids that I never thought I would be able to make it through so much in life! Yet here I am on the other side after making it through! I would tell friends to keep paddling no matter how hard it seems, no matter how much they want to give up! It may feel like we will never get to the other side but eventually the water becomes a little bit smoother and gets a little less rocky!
@littleLime7657 never give up! that is my family motto 🙌. "keep paddling no matter what" <-- great points!
@littleLime7657
Great way to describe this analogy 🥰
it’s okey to ask for help, you not alone and you will make though with help of a support system.
This reminds me of 1 poem still I rise and the song the climb.
those 2 things really help me out when things get tough.
@Magicpawsoffuture thank you for sharing your thoughts! If you can, please share the lyrics here that strike you!
It can feel like everything’s out of control, and sometimes you spiral, but then it passes. It’s quiet, but change comes.
@thebendygirlListens such wisdom here and flexibility (riffing on your username). it all passes! thank goodness!
@GlenM Thank you! (Funny too 😆)
@thebendygirlListens
"It’s quiet, but change comes." This is so relatable.
Will you be doing the whole series this stems from (here)? I'd be so curious to read your inights on this whole series.
@Heather225 Yes, I want to finish the series 😁. I’m excited to start working on the next step!
It’s ok to feel bad <33
@thebendygirl indeed it is! a part of life - a normal part of life!
@GlenM
I would tell my friend that it's ok not to be ok, everything happens for a reason, and the difficult current makes us stronger and wiser.
@peacefulvibes96 so good; i like your stoic understanding of fate. i share that with you. everything is as it should be (even if I really don't want it to be in a particular way at a particular time).
@peacefulvibes96
I too believe "everything happens for a reason" and it's a belief that has really seen me through some of the hardest times with a sense of peace!
If you haven't yet, I'd love to see what else you think from this whole series! The masterpost for it is here.