2am thoughts and feelings
I downloaded this app off a whim and kind of don't know what I'm expecting from this. I just want to put my thoughts out there?
I'm 27, just moved into my first apartment about 5 months ago. I've suffered with depression for about 13 years, but the last year its ruled my life. I'm struggling a lot, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, but forcing myself to because I know if I don't work, I lose money and struggle even more. There's no pause, no break, no amount of holiday from work helps. I feel burnt out, feel like I'm socially and emotionally exhausted. Constant talk about kids, babies and futures is driving me crazy, to the point I don't want to see family, friends or talk to coworkers.
I want a break from life. I want to rely on someone and relax for once, but I'm always an adult in every situation with friends and relationships.
I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I feel so caged. I'm scared that I'll spend my life being sad, burnt out and confused. I'm scared I'll end up giving up, just go with the flow until my life and aspirations have passed me. I've missed opportunity after opportunity, consistently doing things to make other people happy... But I'm not happy.
If anyone understands, tell me how you coped with it? How did you stop feeling this way? Is there a way out?
Im seeing a therapist on Tuesday, I hope they give me options and help. But for now, I'm putting this out in the ether.
Have a good evening everyone, or good morning, good afternoon, good day, from the UK. ð©µ
@Gege18997 hi I'm Lola welcome to cups sweetie💖 it really does sound like you need a break from life🙁 but that's not impossible to do, you may have to still do daily life as normal but taking time for you and just you is really really important. My favourite thing to do is sit in the garden with coffee and good music watching the sunrise, just simple things like that, things that make you smile bring you a sense of peace can really help with depression💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 I hope you find all the support you deserve here 💗
Hi Lola, thank you so much. I think, I'm struggling with finding "Me time". I live with a friend in a one bed room apartment, so we're always in close proximity. Finding a few minutes by myself is pretty rare, especially now when I live in the middle of a busy sea side town in Summer. But I'll try, I think I'll try and take more time to go down to the beach?
Anyway, thank you so much again. I appreciate your comment and 💞 sending you huge hugs back. I hope you have a great rest of your day.
I don't know how much it will help you...but a book named #5 second rule by Mel Robbins...read it...I hope it will help you
Hi, I've just taken a look at it on Amazon. Thank you! I'll order it and give it a go. Thank you for your comment 💞
@Gege18997
I swear I was born depressed. It lasted 36 years up until 2 months ago when it vanished.
It was when I realised I have ADHD. It put my life in perspective, allowed me to start tackling it. I'm also on the spectrum so my mind kind of craves knowledge.
I think it would be unrealistic to expect such a change in people with depression. But I can tell you what caused the realisation: reflection. I learned about myself.
If you can identify the root cause, you can take steps to deal with it. Are you lonely? There are different kinds of loneliness with different solutions. Are you lacking meaning in your life? Might be time to consider what you're passionate about.
It may also be a kind of depression that requires medication. You need professional advice to figure that out.
It's hard when you're tethered to work. It takes so much time and energy! But you are on the right track, expressing yourself and seeking therapy. A good sounding board is invaluable.
I really feel for you, depression sucks. You're coping better than I did by attending to responsibilities. Take pride in that.
Treat yourself like you would a kind child. You'd want them to tell you what's wrong so you can help. And you would attend to their needs and wants in the meantime, as it seems you're already doing.
Hi, thank you for your comment. I'm autistic, and I hadn't been diagnosed until about 2 and a half years ago. It was a bug surprise for me, but not so much for everyone around me. I know I shouldn't, but I've been ignoring the fact it's a thing in my life. So maybe, I need to look more into that?
I don't really ever feel lonely, kind of the opposite? I think I feel too socially overwhelmed? But you're right, I have a great job, but it doesn't feel like it gives me meaning. It's care work for the last years of a pets life, mostly dogs and cats, but it stopped having meaning because of some things the management said. I won't go into detail, but it reminded me that in the role that I'm in, I'm very replaceable.
I'm trying to be kinder to myself. I want to enjoy life and visit new places, learn new things, have hobbies, but it's hard when I'm not financially stable. I'll try the therapy, I'll try to be nicer to myself. I want to get to where you are, and not feel this way anymore. Can I ask, what helped you put things into perspective?
Anyway, thank you so much again! 💞 Have a great day. Thank you for replying and your help.
@Gege18997
It was realising I was in a kind of loop. Things were increasingly hollow to the point I could no longer cry. I should have acted sooner but alas.
I realised I needed a break. Stop the cycle, radical change. Just time to figure out myself. Thankfully I ended up in an extremely low pressure environment. I don't expect everyone to be so fortunate. But the process of reflection can take place almost anywhere. It helps to get more information. I don't promote self-diagnosis but you can educate yourself and use that to pursue formal treatment.
Dealing with depression is most often a long battle. You're on the right track though, just one step at a time, small improvements. Create that low pressure environment in your mind if you can.
I find mindfulness to be quite handy for that. "If you can see the mountain, you are outside the mountain." This means acknowledging your worries and kind of viewing them from a distance so you can see the bigger picture. I know that's a bit vague... I'm still learning how to deal with depression, and you are helping. No-one deserves to face that monster.
Stay strong friend.
I’m so glad you’re here and you opened up and shared… That’s HUGE. big hugs <3
I went through exactly what you going through. Complete exhausted every day .I admire you you are exhausted but manage to go to work everyday it was a time when I had bed sores I stayed in bed so long. But believe me it gets better now I'm in a therapy living a happy life
The real *** thing about depression is that it doesn't go on vacation.
If it were simple burnout, a 2 day rejuvenation would fix it and you'd be back in business.
However, depression is a soul killer. It eats away at your relationships, your hygiene, your passions, and more.
As for homebrewed remedies, I've only found one thing to be truly helpful.
Groveling.
Done right, it can restore you in a matter of days. Maybe even a week.
The idea is not to cure depression, but to accommodate the symptoms.
First, we need to see it for what it is...
9 symptoms of Depression:
Depressed mood *
Low interest
Appetite change *
Sleep change *
Agitated/Slowed
Low energy *
Worthlessness *
Thinking problems
Suicidality
As you'll notice, I marked 5 symptoms with an asterisk because those can indicated a Major Depressive Episode (MDE).
Like I said, groveling done right can help feed these symptoms. Doing this within a timeframe can ensure that depression doesn't intensify or fester. Whether it's 1-2 days or a week, depending on the severity of the symptoms.
Typically, I ask myself "what do you need" and I follow through with it. If it's a drink, I get a drink (alcohol included). If it's a cigarette, I smoke a cigarette. And so on.
Feed the beast.
I allow depression to steer my life for a while (within reason). And if I start to feel different, like the symptoms are waning, then I might try meeting my primary needs (food, water, hygiene, rest). If that seems to work, then I'll try looking into other needs (socializing, interests/hobbies, reaching out to my support system).
If your depression has ruled your life for longer than a year, then it may be a sign of chronic depression. Talking with a trained mental health professional is always helpful and recommended. So is getting into a routine.
There's a mindfulness skill called Triggering Opposite Action. In a nutshell, you do the opposite of the way you're feeling. Feeling low on energy? Go on a walk. This doesn't make depression go away, but it does allow us to maintain a routine, which depression despises.
Realistically, something like chronic depression won't ever truly go away. It has wax and wane periods. Managing the symptoms is ideal.
@GentleFish
This is incredibly insightful! I'm always looking to learn more about the beast that is depression, if for no other reason than to make sense of my own experiences.
I do believe you need to be kind to yourself, and sometimes that means not quitting smoking just yet. Smoking has no benefits... except for the release of taking comfort in darkness. It makes little sense to me, the stress you feel from lack of nicotine definitely goes away after you quit and was only ever there *because* you started in the first place.
I started smoking randomly. I think it's because I didn't feel like an adult, I didn't feel like I had free will. In actively choosing darkness, I felt free. Please people, don't start smoking! Choose good things lol, smoking is terrible. I just... get it, and will never judge.
Opposite action is something I wish I'd taken more seriously when I was depressed. I did it sometimes... but I'm physically damaged from neglecting myself. You need to realise: you don't want to slip further. So I agree, act in defiance of it. That is a very meaningful life. It's wise to take care of yourself, always.
I believe some may have a kind of depression that never goes away. I've heard of it, and it breaks my heart. To those people: I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. I'm hoping medication improves over time. The techniques above may only worsen things. Just try to live without pressure.
