Dealing with relationship issues
Hi everyone, I hope this is the right place for support. I’m open to both offering and receiving it. My marriage is almost perfect. My husband loves me and treats me wonderfully in every way… except one. I don’t think he was ever physically attracted to me, but his emotional and mental attraction to me made him overlook that and marry me anyway. But it’s causing issues now. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal or unsolvable, but I do. The rest of the relationship is great, but I feel so worthless and unwanted because of that one thing that’s missing. Logically, I know I’m a reasonably attractive person. I have a good figure and I could find someone who’d want me. But the one person I want doesn’t seem to want me the same way. I hope we can solve this like he believes we can. He doesn’t know I’ve given him an ultimatum in my head and if I don’t see any progress by that time, I will call it quits. We’ve barely been married a year. I feel like a failure.
@purplethunder37
i hope for your sake this can be overcome... did he tell you this outright and if so why? IMO this would be a cruel thing to share if he truly believed this will be overcome. i have seen people do this to inspire their partner to change something but they usually state what they want.
i have found in my relationships the people i have loved ... they were OK on an attractive scale ...but not a physical thing... the physical attractiveness became much stronger ......... as i knew them and emotionally connected then they seemed much more attractive. They look the same to every one else but so much hotter in my eyes.... the same can happen in reverse when a person loses the emotional connection/ or find they have changed some one becomes less attractive.... if that makes sense.
it is not about hair / makeup/ figure/ and all the superficial ...... inside is where it counts.
@purplethunder37
Well assuming you are monogamous and not open to polyamory, you have needs. They are not all being met by him. That is not fair to you. No partnership will be perfect. But I dont think you are a failure. You have a right to get your needs met. And even if he gave you permission to get intimate with others that would deprive you of the fullness emotionally with another person.
Perhaps you could move on romantically and keep him as a friend, or perhaps not. But you are correct to assert your needs and then leave him if needed. Good luck!
