"How Are You?" not the best question to ask/answer
Have you ever asked someone this question and they disappeared?
Have you ever been asked this question and you felt stuck?
If so, read on...
Even though the most asked question is "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" it may not be the best question ask someone you wanna start a conversation with.
Firstly, "how are you?" is often considered a superficial and clichéd greeting, and may not elicit a genuine response from the person being asked. It has become a social norm to answer with a simple "I'm fine, thank you" or a similar response, regardless of how one is truly feeling.
Secondly, asking "how are you?" may be not an appropriate question in certain contexts, such as in a professional setting or when meeting someone for the first time. In these situations, it may be more appropriate to use a different greeting or question that is more relevant to the situation.
Lastly, "how are you?" can be a difficult question to answer for some people, particularly those who may be going through a difficult time or struggling with their mental health. In these cases, the question may be perceived as insensitive or even triggering.
Overall, "how are you?" can be an appropriate question to ask in some situations, particularly when asked sincerely and in a context where the question is appropriate. However, it is important to be mindful of the potential limitations and drawbacks of this question and to use it appropriately.
If possible, we can use some alternate icebreakers instead. Here are some alternative questions that can be asked instead of "how are you?":
- What have you been up to lately?
- What's new in your life?
- How was your weekend?
- Did you do anything fun/interesting lately?
- Can you tell me more about [a specific project or topic]?
- How is [a specific aspect of their life] going?
- What are your plans for [a specific upcoming event]?
- Have you seen/read/heard about [a specific news item or event]?
- Is there anything you're particularly excited about right now?
- How do you feel about [a specific topic or issue]?
If you wanna practice your icebreaking skills, you can always host a popup Icebreaker session.
Use this link for popups : tinyurl.com/popup7cups
P.S: Here is an alternate solution to the question in question (click the link ->): I am ____
@DonaldDraper
These alternative approaches are soo good. Sometimes it does feel a bit ingenuine to ask ‘how are you?’ Even if you are genuinely wanting to know how the another person is. So these are very helpful! Thanks for this💜
@DonaldDraper
Rightly mentioned DD. ❤️ The question is so overused that it has lost its impact even when asked genuinely.. and so much so that even if one feels like, s/he prefers to avoid asking most of the times. I still use it coz I feel it’s nice, simple, short and shows that we care when asked sincerely. But yes, nice alternative questions. : )
@DonaldDraper
Hi Don! 😊❤️ Thank you for the amazing forum post. I agree. You are spot on!
"How are you"? It's a nicety that we extent to others. It's kind to do so. When others ask the same of me, I typically will say "I'm great today" or "I'm doing okay". Highly dependent of who asks me, in what context and where I am at in the world. 😊❤️
7 cups asks that when we are in the listener role, that we have the right mind set, to be in the right "head space", to be professional and be able to take on the challenges that might come our way. I agree. I make sure that I'm doing great or at least doing okay. 😊❤️ If not, maybe I shouldn't have signed onto a listener account.
I like the questions that you presented as those can "dig a bit deeper", be a bit thought provoking as well as let someone know that we truly are interested in listening to how they might be feeling at the given moment. Those questions that you listed are much more than that one surface question and can show another that we are truly "plugged in" and care about the response no matter what the response may be.
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
***** Please, disclaimer: That above text i just a humble opinion of a fellow listener, like you are. If you feel offended or disagree completely or partially you might as well stop reading and end. I plan not to have any further discussin about what I consider just an opinion given in a place where diversity is respected and valued. *****
@DonaldDraper I am a patient of one of the best Therapysts in my country, trust me, he's that good - In my country it takes a minimum of 5 years for one to become a psychologyst, in the case of my therapyst, he had an extension of 2 years + some additional time studying several techniques he might use to approach and understand a person, including congnitive behavioral, Gestalt + several other techniques/fields of study (Including a master's degree in philosophy and a degre in software development he had previously).
Point is, I could talk all day about the credentials of my theraphyst, who has almost a decade of studies and almost 15 years of practice as a clinical psychologyst.
-And in al these years he always receives me with a smile, asking "how are you, how was your week?"
That said, let's not overthink the subject and remember we are here to try and put the people in need in the right track, perhaps they might find themselves trapped in a dark tunnel, in need of someone with a flashlight that will guide them to a path where they hopefully might find a licensed therapyst at the end of this tunnel.
Let's then remember the real mission of the listeners (I have seen listeners profiles saying "Dear member: My sessions lasts 1 hour at most". Oh my God, please. We are NOT licensed no even trained to identify mental deseases for God's sake, let's act as good and humble listeners.
Let's help the people in need, a professional costs money, and even if not so, I have been talking to people who claims that they do want need professional help. Oh, my God! You guys do really think that they are better of on the hands of a person who treats their listening time as "sessions" and not on a real session?
I know what pain is, I know what suffering is, I know what it is to lose your sleeping time because of pain and suffering. I also have lost loved ones, and everything else.
That's doesn't entitle me to be a "graduated" listener. That just makes me a person who wants to help somehow, truly help, and hopefully put the person in need in the righ track where he/she might get the help of one that might help to identify terrible mental disorders, often masked as sadness and even sarcasm, anger and indifference.
I will continue using the "how are you today" or "how was your week" and treating the person who saught my help as a close friend who just wants to talk. Nothing more.
While we might be thinking about alternates solution to a common greeting, how about let it go and greet our fellow people in need(They are NOT our patients) as we are used to be? Please!
God bless us all...
@SarahLibmn I loved it! You are right I come in here to talk when my therapyst can't pick up my callings because she is having a session with another patient.
So yes as a person who struggles with a mental disorder I absolutely HATE entitled listeners! AND YOU GUYS, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Offended perhaps?
@SarahLibmn i agree with you thanks
@DonaldDraper This feels so real. Thanks for the alternative greetings tho