How do I love myself more and not care about trying to impress people?

@kindSpruce8353

So what are you going to do? What are your thoughts, your steps to overcome it?

@kindSpruce8353 no advice, just wanted to say you got this 💙 I'm hopeful you can figure this out

Hi :) personally I don’t have kids so what helps me most is think of myself as I’m my future kid

For example I think what would I say if this happened to my future kid? How would I want my future kid to behave or react or think?

So when I think I’m a failure or worthless I think, would I want my future kid to think that? My answer would be no

And then I would say, okay how would I treat my future kid if they thought that? And my answer for example would be like go out with them and let them do something they love

So I would try to go out and do something I love

Personally it helps me be less harsh on myself and treat myself with love and compassion

Hope that helps 🤍

Always try to see yourself through your own eyes, not through the eyes of the world. People will always have opinions, and if the world can find flaws even in God, then no one can ever be perfect in everyone's eyes.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable, valued, and accepted for who you truly are. Stay with those around whom you can be completely yourself without fear of judgment.

Start doing things that genuinely make you happy. If you haven't found them yet, keep exploring and trying new experiences. Sometimes we discover ourselves in the things we've never tried before.

At the end of the day, our happiness is our own responsibility, not the world's. Don't wait for others to make you feel worthy, confident, or fulfilled. Give yourself that permission first.🤍

@kindSpruce8353

What a lovely question you shared.

I think its in human nature to doubt ourselves and feel that we should always be better. In a strange way, that is also what drives human progress. If no one ever questioned themselves, we would never grow, create, or improve.

It is also human nature to care about what other people think. We are social creatures. We want acceptance, belonging, and connection. But from my experience, worrying too much about people's opinions is mostly a losing battle. People will always think, judge, compare, and form opinions. Even the most confident people do.

In my line of work, I have met famous people, influencers, and individuals who seem larger than life. Yet when you get to know them, you realize they are just people. They have insecurities, fears, and doubts like everyone else. Many of them are still trying to impress others and often feel that they are failing at it.

As for loving yourself, I dont think anyone can hand you a steps or guidelines . Its something you discover rather than learn. Strangely , I think animals can teach us a lot about it. A dog or a cat doesn't care about your status, your looks, your job title, or how successful you are. They care about how you treat them. You can be the richest or most attractive person in the world, and a cat still wont give you a second glance if you're not kind to it.

On the other hand comedy teaches us the same lesson. Most great comedians build their entire careers around awkward moments, mistakes, failures, and embarrassing stories. We laugh because we recognize ourselves in them. Their imperfections make them relatable. And thats why I think its okay to be weird. Its okay to be shy, awkward, or different. These are not flaws in your humanity; they are part of it.

" Carl Jung" ( a mind i really admire ) believed that many of our struggles come from rejecting parts of ourselves. The qualities we try hardest to hide often end up controlling us. The goal is not to become perfect. The goal is to become whole. To look at your strengths and weaknesses honestly and say, "Yes, this is me."

" Dostoyevsky" ( my role model in writing ) understood something similar. His characters were rarely perfect or heroes. They were flawed, confused, fearful, and sometimes broken. Yet through those imperfections he showed what it means to be human. He seemed to suggest that suffering begins when we try to become an ideal image rather than accept who we really are.

So perhaps loving yourself is not about thinking you are amazing all the time. Perhaps it is simply becoming comfortable in your own skin. Being able to sit with yourself without constantly wishing to be someone else.

And if you can do that, other people opinions lose much of their power.

After all, love may simply be the feeling that allows us to be ourselves without fear. If you can offer that to yourself, then I think youll be okay.

@kindSpruce8353

Journal a little, what do you care about in life? What do you simply want in friends? Once you realize this and also that you can find and keep people while being you, it won't matter as much. Not to say it isn't a difficult process as it very well is. Best of luck.

I read all answers because I have been in the same boat.. looking for acceptance from close family members..in laws to be specific only to be hurt many times...i still persist and feel upset when I am not accepted by them citing my mistakes... initially I used to be very sad but slowly when this situation continued for years.. slowly i realised I have done my best ....my desperation decreased and I started being kind to my own self...it's true it didn't end ..i still want their love and acceptance but it can't be helped ..

@kindSpruce8353 First, I want to acknowledge the insight you've already shown. Recognizing that your mood has become tied to how others respond to you is a huge step, and taking a break to focus on yourself takes courage.

One thing that stood out to me is that you're not just trying to distance yourself from these people—you want to build a healthier relationship with yourself. That kind of growth doesn't happen overnight, so try to be patient with yourself when those self-critical thoughts show up.

Something that may help is asking yourself, "If a close friend were feeling this way, what would I say to them?" We often offer others far more compassion than we offer ourselves.

Your worth isn't determined by how often someone texts you, includes you, or notices you. Relationships can enrich our lives, but they shouldn't be the only source of our value.

What's one small thing you've done during this break that has helped you feel more like yourself? I'd love to hear what's been helping, even if it feels like a tiny step. 

@kindSpruce8353,  you should be proud of yourself for being willing to step away from people for a time.  

What other things have you tried in order to obtain validation and build self esteem?  

No matter how difficult your situation, there is always someone worse off than you, and you might be able to offer them at least some empathy.  Consider volunteering somewhere, for example, at a hospice or even at an animal shelter.

Exercise can also be very rewarding and good for self esteem. 

Remind yourself that almost everything in life is an illusion, in your mind.   Only you can give anyone the power to judge you, good or bad.  

@kindSpruce8353

I think one of the helpful ways to approach it is by asking yourself: "What makes me trying to impress people?" and what comes up to your mind when you think about self-love?

I hope that gives you a gentle guide to what you're looking for.