I'm a fragile person, I don't know what to do.
When I was with my girlfriend, I knew that I might face the problem of a long-distance relationship. We hadn't not considered this, and at the time I thought that I could move to her city and she could move to mine. However, we had underestimated the difficulty of this.
I realised how difficult it was when we returned to our country after studying abroad. Her parents had spent a long time working hard to establish themselves in the capital and had a better material foundation than me. She also had the idea of continuing to apply for a doctorate during her studies abroad, so she was always looking for opportunities on both sides, and I also understood that her parents did not want her to leave the capital. At the same time, I was also looking for job opportunities on both sides.
However, it was very difficult. I sent out at least 200 resumes, and even got them professionally revised, but I received very few interviews, let alone confirmed job offers. I also had to consider the high cost of living in the capital and my own future development, so I couldn't just try any job. Some jobs might make her parents look down on me. But my major is really on the decline. There are too many people in the same major on social media who have started changing careers, and those who stay don't get paid much either.
She has also tried to send in her CV and contact many teachers by email to apply for a doctorate, but all this has made her very tired and exhausted, and the results have been minimal. After being cheated twice in a row by an intermediary, she also feels anxious and self-blame. At the same time, she is also unsure of which school will eventually accept her.
I first found an internship at a planning institute. A friend of mine helped me find this internship. The salary is not high, but it allows me to at least do something and gain some experience, even if it is unlikely that I will be hired permanently.
The thing that made me suffer happened two weeks ago. My aunt used her connections to help me find someone inside the government (a relative of hers), who arranged for me to first intern at a planning institute near my home, and if I did well, he would arrange for me to intern inside the government. Although the official civil service requires passing an exam, my family members all think this is a good choice. Such opportunities are rare and stable, and it seems like a good way to develop personally. But when my girlfriend learned about this, she was devastated. She thought I probably hadn't even considered going to the capital.
The over-stability of a civil servant means that I would have to stay in the local area for at least five years, and the promotion path of a civil servant is not clear. It means that she and I will face a long period of being apart, and this may challenge the future of our relationship. I don't want to do this, I don't want to enter the civil service system, but the enthusiastic expectations of my family and the efforts of my aunt made it almost impossible for me to resist such an arrangement. I hope that the design institute will keep me, so that at least some flexibility is retained and experience can be gained.
My family and friends all advise me to focus on my career – but they don't consider my relationship with my girlfriend. So if I just follow their plan, my relationship with her is likely to break up, and I want to have a future with her. I want to stay at the design institute and then develop opportunities such as passing the certification exam at the same time, and find a way to be close to her. I don't want to be bound by my family's ideas.
But now, the daily internship at the design institute makes me feel like life has no end, and some words related to civil servants also make me very stressed. But in the face of such opportunities, I still have to be prepared for arrangements such as having dinner with my aunt's relative afterwards.
I don't know how to communicate with my family members, who all think that I am only thinking about going to the capital and that they think I am crazy.
@Megalodon123 I wanted you to get a response to your post too.
@SparklySeas49Thank you for your reply, I'm in so much pain. My girlfriend told me yesterday that she's not stupid either and she understands that it's very unlikely that I'll find a job in the capital afterwards. She always felt that I had no intention of going to the capital and that I had lied to her. Because I can't find a job in the capital and because of my aunt's work arrangements, the plan to meet her for New Year's was pushed back more than a month.
I don't know how to communicate with her. She always hopes that I will go to the capital to see her, and she doesn't want to hear about my plans for the next year or two. She wants someone by her side. I feel that this relationship is difficult to continue, and I don't know how to continue communicating with her. It breaks my heart.
In fact, I'm not sure if I will get a good result from either the civil servant or the design institute job. It's hard for me to say that I like this kind of work. I have some direction for job hunting, but I can't find a job in that direction. It seems that I don't have many choices.
@Megalodon123 hugs to calm the pain nothing is ever certain You can only go for what you think is the best plan, for jobs and relationships. At least that is my philosophy. things rarely work out exactly as we would like either. I guess I take the best step, see what I can gain from it, hold on to the good parts, let go of the rest…then use the stepping stone to face new opportunities.
@Megalodon123 What does this mean in Engli
@Megalodon123 Same
@Yeezus11411 I wish our lives together will get better.
Hello Megaladon! Your situation is incredibly challenging, and it’s clear how deeply you care about both your career and your relationship with your girlfriend. Balancing these two critical aspects of your life—while also managing family expectations—can feel overwhelming. Here’s how you might begin to navigate this:
Clarify Your Priorities
Take time to reflect on what truly matters most to you. Ask yourself:
What do I see for my future? Does it involve a specific career, lifestyle, or city?
How important is it for me to maintain my relationship with my girlfriend?
Being honest with yourself about your long-term goals will give you the clarity to make decisions with purpose.
Then, Communicate Openly with Your Girlfriend
Long-distance relationships are difficult, but clear communication is key. Have a calm, honest conversation about both of your goals:
Share your thoughts about your family’s expectations and how they’re impacting your decisions.
Ask her how she envisions her future—where she wants to live, her career aspirations, and how she sees the two of you navigating these challenges together.
Working as a team can help you both feel more secure, even when external pressures are high.
Strategize Your Career Path
It sounds like you’re in a field that’s facing challenges, so flexibility will be crucial. Here are a few ideas:
Stay open to change: If opportunities in your current field are limited, explore related industries where your skills can transfer.
Focus on certifications and growth: As you mentioned, gaining certifications could help you open up more career options, especially if you want to move closer to her city.
Consider internships strategically: Your current internship at the design institute might not pay well, but it’s valuable experience. Focus on building connections and learning skills that could help you in larger cities later.
Navigate Family Expectations
Family support is important, but it’s also your life. Here’s how you can approach your family while still prioritizing your own path:
Express gratitude: Acknowledge your aunt’s efforts and thank her for wanting to help.
Be respectful but firm: Explain that while you appreciate their guidance, your ultimate goal is to find a career path that aligns with your passions and goals.
Propose alternatives: Share your career plan (e.g., staying at the design institute, gaining experience, and then exploring new opportunities). Show them you’re thinking ahead, not just being “stubborn.”
Plan for Difficult Conversations
When speaking to your family, approach the conversation with empathy and understanding:
Acknowledge their concerns: Say, “I understand why you think this is a great opportunity for stability, and I truly value your support.”
Share your vision: Add, “At the same time, I have goals that involve working in [specific field] and building a future with [girlfriend’s name]. I believe staying flexible now will help me achieve those goals.”
Compromise if needed: If they’re insistent on the civil service role, you could say, “I’m open to exploring it, but I need time to also consider other opportunities that align with my long-term goals.”
Take Care of Yourself
The stress you’re feeling is real, and it’s important to address it. Try to:
Set boundaries: Dedicate time each day to focus on what brings you peace—reading, exercising, or journaling.
Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, mentors, or even a counselor to help process the pressure you’re under.
Accept the Uncertainty
Right now, there’s a lot that feels out of your control—job prospects, family pressure, and your girlfriend’s academic future. While you can’t resolve everything immediately, trust that small, deliberate steps will guide you toward the life you want.
Final Thoughts
It’s okay to feel fragile in the face of these challenges. What matters is that you’re trying your best to navigate them with integrity and care for the people around you. Trust yourself and take one step at a time. If you remain clear about your goals and communicate honestly, you’ll find a path forward—one that reflects both your ambitions and your love for your girlfriend.
I sincerely hope that I could help you at least a little. see u
@fearlessPenguin5972 Hello!
Thank you very much for your reply. In fact, a friend once told me the same thing, to think clearly about what you want.
Before my master's degree, I also pondered the same question, but I didn't have an answer. As a student just entering society, I basically didn't know anything about these industries, so I could only choose an industry based on the experiences of others and the skills I was good at—for example, one thing I did a lot of as a student was write reports, so I wanted to get into the consulting industry. However, some people said that the competition in this industry was fierce, and I tried to send my resume to companies in this direction but got no results—there were many examples like this, which made me lose confidence. At the same time, I was afraid to easily try different industries, because obviously, there is a cost to changing jobs, and moving across industries also means that a lot of your previous efforts have been wasted.
So in fact, a large part of my career aspirations come from my desire to continue developing my relationship with my girlfriend and the expectations of my family. I don't even care what industry I'm in – as long as the company is decent and there is room for promotion, I think I'm willing to do whatever it takes to climb the ladder, just to give my family and girlfriend a better life in the future. At this stage, I'm not inclined to continue asking my girlfriend about her future plans – because obviously, she's not sure either. She has tried contacting a lot of schools and professors, but has only received rejections and no responses.
Last weekend, my aunt and uncle had a long talk with me – they approved of my idea of wanting to stay at the design institute, and thought it was good that I had my own ideas. They said it was a good opportunity, but didn't want it to be my only option. They were against me going to the capital because I hadn't found a job yet, I didn't have any friends there, and I would lose hope in life if I got dumped. They explained that their relationship was not easy either, and that my uncle had been looked down upon by my aunt's family because of poverty, but they were still living well. They persuaded me to go and see my girlfriend this week, so while I was typing, I was already in the capital.
Thank you very much for your advice, these are practical and feasible, not just telling me ‘it will be fine’. When I feel sad, I will read what you said, they give me strength.