Lonely
I wish I could have one close relationship where I could set a boundary and not have it be dismissed.
@exuberantBanana6214
Welcome 🤗
Your boundaries should never be dismissed.
It's not too much to ask for 💚
@Amanda84 Thanks
@exuberantBanana6214
Such relationships are possible. There are many good people who do respect boundaries. Sadly, it's all too common that some pretend to be respectful of boundaries, but then aren't. As time passes, it becomes easier to see the "red flags" or behaviors that give strong indication that a person isn't likely to respect boundaries.
I think you've made a wise choice to be lonely rather than allow your boundaries to be crossed. Once in a while, someone will cross a boundary by accident. If they express understanding and apologize, there's still hope that a relationship with them can be healthy. If they cross one again, they've proven to be unreliable, and even if you decide to remain in a relationship with them, there'll be an element of loneliness, because trust is absent.
Hopefully, you'll have an opportunity to be around some people who are respectful and honor boundaries.
@Spiritriver I have seen glimpses of it in other relationships. I lost my childhood friends and am having tension with my dad because of this. It is a good reminder to be careful moving forward, but makes me disappointed in people and how much they respected me. I wish the people who knew me the best found me worthy of respect. I believe I will have that some day. I have a lot to grieve. But thank you for your comment.
@exuberantBanana6214
It seems like when you are around the same people for very long time, you can be taken for granted. They also know all of your flaws. They may still see you as the person you were as the person you used to be in childhood or adolescence. It's unfortunate, but it's very common for people to treat strangers with far greater respect and they do those with whom they are close.
In many companies, employees are not promoted to supervisors. Instead, they bring someone in from outside the company. The rationale is that a supervisor who was once a peer, will not receive the same respect as a stranger.
And there are groups of people who are very familiar with each other, and the group dynamic is to trample each other's boundaries.
Still, boundaries are valid, and should be respected.
Can you give me examples of these boundaries?
@exuberantBanana6214 @Spiritriver
@sociableDrum9946
I can't speak for others, but among those I've had problems with are phone calls that demanded my time, even when I was doing something important, people trying to manipulate me into doing them favors, ignoring me until they wanted something from me, gossiping about me, expecting me to "take their side" against someone else, asking for money, attempting to get close to me, not because they really value me, but to show off to someone else, any kind of taking for granted or being treated "like a doormat, and other things I can't think of at the moment.
Basically crossing boundaries happens when a person expects more than they're willing to give, fails to show respect, commits wrongs to fulfill their own selfish desires without regard for others.
There are also person specific boundaries, for example, "please don't call after 10pm." In the case of roommates, it may be, "please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink," or something like that.
@sociableDrum9946
One huge thing I left out has to do with relationship boundaries, including coercion to allow physical contact, actual unwelcome physical contact, and privacy violations.
