Lost and lonely.
I have been through almost every negative thing life has to offer. I'm still here. I guess that says something. What i don't know. But for some reason I'm still fighting for survival. Although like right now, at present, I think death would be better than life. I just want peace. Is that the only way to find peace??!! Childhood trauma including rape 3 times as a youth, terrible physical abuse, loss of a child to abduction, lupus and cancer, ( i beat the cancer) 3 failed marriages, depression since 12 yrs old, the loss of my oldest brother in 1990, my hero, my father 6 months later, my aunt, then my oldest sister, then my mother a year after my oldest sister, then...I can't say the words. My sister, I can't say her name still. 2 years ago. I can't say her name or look at pics at all. I haven't accepted it yet and don't know if I ever will. She was all i had left when I lost my parents. Now she...... anyways, I became an addict for the first time at 60 years of age. I have lost my kids and friends due to my addiction. I am now in a verbally abusive relationship. He is an addict as well. I am so lonely and alone. I'm tired of fighting to exist. I don't live anymore. I merely exist. I'm tired and don't know what to do.
@KIMSLILSIS59 Ohh my heart aches for you. You're a stranger, but I'm legit wiping this random tear from my eye for you. With all you've gone through in life, ohhh myyy! You've been through the unimaginable but, you're right... you're still here! And for a reason and purpose too! I'm extremely sorry for your losses. Sorry you've had to endure all of that and the trauma and pain. But look at you-- you're still here doing the life thing and I'm proud of you! Please know that your life has purpose. Please know that you are important and worthy! Please know you did not deserve all that. I hope that you can channel all that pain and hurt abd turn it into your good! I hope that you know you're more than what you claim to be. You're strong. You are a survivor! I hope that you make the decision each day to choose life and that you beat your addiction. I'm rooting for you. I'll be praying for you too. This is what I can offer you. ❤️
It's ok to feel all the ways you do even if it's not pleasant... but I need you to know this. If you are feeling a specific way and are in crisis, please please get ahold of the proper channels for support. Click here for crisis resources if you need it.
I truly will be praying that you find healing, forgiveness, and peace in your heart. You deserve all the love in life. You're worthy of that! You've been through so much, but I just need you to always remember your strength. You can overcome. I decree it. You can heal.
May all your loved ones rest in peace. ❤️ Xoxo. Take care!
@yourcaringconfidant.,
You are so very sweet to say such wonderful and kind words to me. You seem to be the kind of person I used to be. I've lost her somehow. I have 6 amazing adult children who have kind of shut the door on me temporarily, using tough love as the way to help me. We'll have to see. Although I am beginning to miss them so very much. But anyways, I appreciate your time given to write to a stranger. Your words were encouraging. Somehow I don't feel as alone as before. Ty.
@KIMSLILSIS59 I'm sorry you feel as if you lost her-- that part of you. But look, it's not too late to get her back. Don't let these things color your world and change the core of you who you. You're a beautiful person. Search deep within and rediscover the beauty in you. You've got your good. You don't have to be perfect. It's ok to not have it all together right now. It's ok to be sad. Just keep trying and showing up for you. Focus on you. Make yourself a priority and work on you and what you want to be. Hoping your kids come back around and choose to be around. To help you and let you know that you're not in this alone. ♡
