Manipulation?
Hi, I’m new here and I’m really struggling with my ex at the moment. We have been together for 4 years in a distant relationship. I won’t be talking about the reason(s) why I broke up with him. It would be a long explanation. However I needed to deal with many things that I carried on my shoulders. After I told him everything and about the why’s I don’t want to go back to him, everything went south. He demands his things back, such like clothes and so on. Even the things he openly gifted to me. I don’t get it. I’m not demanding the things back that I gifted him either. Is that just a way to get me to talk to him constantly, even if he said he won’t hope that we get back to each other again? Either way I’m anxious, I’m overthinking everything possible negative outcome. For example: what would happen if I block him? I’m afraid for some reason. And if this is really some trick of manipulation then I regret falling for it twice in my life. The first time was an old “friend”.
We settled it and I gave him money for it instead of giving the pc back that he gifted me. However I figured out a new problem which I hope isn’t true. One of his friends, that is the only one I continuously want to have contact with, told me that there is a possibility that he put some spyware on my phone or something. My ex apparently mentioned that to him once but now I’m paranoid. I didn’t notice any changes in my phone though.
That is crazy. Girl, if you see anything suspicious in him you better leave or he can or did do it for real (abt spyware). I think he's trying to keep you to himself, so be careful and strong. If you want to break out, then do it without hesitation.
Why on earth would he ask you to return everything he gave you out of love? As a guy, I understand how it feels—he’s just trying to get back at you. If you refuse to return it, he might use it to manipulate you. If you truly want to end things, it’s better to give everything back. That way, you can be free, safe, and happy.
You certainly don't need a man like that in your life. In my side of the world we call a man like that "Mr.tekeback. Pray about the situation, you'll certainly get an answer.
Sounds like manipulation to me and to block someone is literally an amazing feeling... It's okay to do what makes you happy.... Ur the only one that can truly do so....
@naturesbeauty1234
You're right his trying to manipulate her. From my own part of the world there is this parable words my father always says. ( ihe na-abịa na enyi na-aga enyi ) what comes in friendship goes with friendship 😊😂
@theofficalyuki
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now, and I want to acknowledge how difficult and emotionally draining this must feel for you. Ending a long relationship is never easy, and it’s understandable. Your feelings of confusion, fear, and regret are completely valid—especially since you’ve experienced manipulation in the past—and it’s natural to worry about the “what ifs” when considering blocking him. Please remember that setting boundaries, even if that means blocking, is not unkind—it’s an act of self-care, and you have every right to protect your peace of mind. You’ve already shown strength by making a difficult decision.
@theofficalyuki
It sounds like he might be using the demand for gifts as a way to keep contact with you rather than genuinely wanting the items back. You don’t owe him ongoing conversations, especially if it’s making you anxious. If it helps you feel at peace, you could decide whether to return only what you feel is essential and then set a clear boundary that you won’t continue discussing it. Blocking him isn’t wrong — it’s a way of protecting your own mental health. You’ve already carried so much on your shoulders, so please don’t feel guilty for choosing peace over constant conflict.
I really appreciate everyone’s words here. It’s good to know I found an app like this. To make it short, the reasons why I broke up with him: intimacy is a big point. I’m not entirely a fan of it. I don’t mind it overall but it’s not my priority given how I often feel anxious and uncomfortable. Mostly to this but others things as well, those 4 years I’ve put his boundaries and feelings in front of mine just to not see him sad/ disappointed/ etc. because of me. I also carried his mental health on my shoulders. I’ve faced many times in the beginning of this relationship to “keep him alive”. Meaning: giving him reason why he should stay in this world and so on.
It could be manipulation and it could be just plain pain. And yeah definitely been through manipulation. It was an old friend for me too. You've got this and no matter what trust. Your gut and look at the facts. Remember that you missed the feeling and not him. Sometimes that happens when you start missing a person that was mean to you
Me and my girlfriend have also been in a long distance relationship. It lasted 3 years after which she decided to break up with me. It happened 2 weeks ago. The pain for me is unbearable, and I am seriously thinking about pulling the plug on myself.
Anyway, I have never talked bad about my girlfriend, I have never insulted her, and I have never asked her to give back the things that I gifted her. In fact I am glad she did not decide to give them back to me on her own. I am glad that she's keeping them, because the little things that I gifted her, I gifted her out of love and appreciation for her beening in my life and supported me for as long as she did, and also out of love. Because she was also an emotional support for me for quite a while. But it became too much for her and she decided to leave me behind.
But it has never crossed my mind to hurt her, nor to try to get back at her, nor to stalk her, nor to try to harass her with constant and insistant messages. She blocked me as soon as she told me that she breaks up with me, and from her point of view, that was the end of it. If I wanted to, I could've found ways to pester her with messages, but I didn't and I won't. After she left me, I only sent her 1 message thanking her for being in my life for as long as she did, and I wished her to take care or herself and to keep herself healthy and safe. She might've not liked it that I sent that message, but it was the only message that I sent her, and I did it to say a proper farewell.
Long story short, it is very painful that she left me, but I respect her decision and I will keep out of her life if that's her choice because I love her.
The reason why I am sharing my story with you is so that you, I guess, you could have the perspective of a similar relationship to yours, ending in a different way. I hope it could put things in perspective for you and help you better approach your situation.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care!
Thank for the message. I’m wishing you the best and that you keep staying strong. It’s nice to hear from someone else that things can be solved in a good way and not like my situation. You sound like a really caring and loving person, also respecting others decisions because you love her. I understand that you felt hurt or maybe still do but I’m glad your situation didn’t end up like mine.
So, thank you again. Best of luck to you too!
I wish you the best of luck too, and I hope your situation will improve too, and that his toxicity will stop soon.
Take care of yourself and stay safe