Need advice-boyfriend didn’t invite me to thanksgiving
Am I wrong for being upset that my boyfriend didn’t invite me to his thanksgiving twice now? We’ve been together for a little over a year now. Last thanksgiving, I wanted to go to meet his family but he never invited me. At first I thought maybe they just wanted a family only thing but I later found out that his family had told him to invite me and asked if I was coming (his sister told me when I saw her the next time I was there to pick him up) I was very upset because I thought he wasn’t really taking me seriously. He kinda invited me to his Christmas last year but he ended up coming to my house in the end. He gave me a promise ring on Christmas. This year, I brought up thanksgiving days before and asked if his family was doing anything. He said he didn’t know. I told him my family wasn’t doing anything. The day before thanksgiving , we were on the phone and he told me his family wasn’t making food for thanksgiving but again, he didn’t invite me or anything. He went to sleep after because it was late. I waited the next day to see if he would say something but he never did. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie that day and I said “aren’t you eating with your family?” He said yeah and I said I’d have to get ready and go out to eat by myself before I could get him then. He called me dramatic and what not and I asked him why he didn’t invite me. He said he assumed I wouldn’t want to go. I brought up last year and he just apologized and asked if I wanted to go this year. I told him it doesn’t seem like he wants me there so I didn’t go. When I picked him up to go to the movies, I saw there was a whole party going on. When he came out and I asked who was there he said his family and there’s people that he doesn’t even know. I got upset over how people he doesn’t know got an invite but me as his girlfriend didn’t. I cried and told him it’s just any other day for me. It bugs me a lot and makes me feel like he’s embarrassed of me (I’ve never had anyone that didn’t want to have me around their family) or he’s just not taking me seriously but he also spends sooo much money on me and talks about getting married, getting a house and having kids but he won’t even invite me to his family functions? Am I over thinking it?
He said his family WAS making food around like 10pm that night. Sorry, typo
@indigoBeing2100
You’re not wrong but not fully right. I say talk it out don’t assume just yet. I’d be in the same boat mentally but also we women for some reason usually want it to be something more, bigger. You stated you think he’s embarrassed maybe he just didn’t think of it that way. I would question how he didn’t get the hint with you asking about it as many times but as I’ve aged I’ve grown to learn don’t assume what a person is thinking just ask.
I did talk to him about it. I’m very confrontational and he knows this. He just kept saying he assumed I wouldn’t want to go but he rarely ever assumes what my answers gonna be. I brought up how the same thing happened last year and asked him why he would think I wouldn’t want to go and he just stayed quiet. I feel like men like to show off things they’re proud of. Especially to their families
@indigoBeing2100
Some people are different around family then they are with a GF or BF.
Maybe if he is embarrassed it is not about you but the other way around and embarrassed about his family. If you are confrontational why did you not just tell him you wanted an invite?
It can create stress with family who often want more info on relationship and future plans etc. Sometimes a person just does not want to deal with that. Whenever a person in first part of a relationship does something i think it is a mistake to always assume it is about us. maybe we do not see the full picture.
I don’t force invites. I won’t go where I am not welcomed
Ofc.. you're feelings are valid..
Do you think he seems to not want you see his family?
no he has a very loving relationship with his family besides his dad and his family will text or come talk to me sometimes
It sounds like his family did invite you and this is more about him than you.
For whatever reason he didn’t invite you two years in a row.
maybe he has social anxiety? Maybe he has trouble advocating for himself?
it really doesn’t matter but what does matter is this is who he is and it is hurtful to you
he will always be like this if this is how it’s been for two years unless he digs in and does the work on himself and shares his feelings with you
it doesn’t sound like you have any understanding for this painful action. It doesn’t matter how much money or time someone gives you when hurtful things like this happen without a clear understanding for why
It doesn’t make sense and the hurt you are feeling over this will continue and then also carry over to other social events
I feel for your situation.It is very confusing and it hurts . I have experienced similar. I have a new boyfriend of about 4 months now, And he did not invite me to his family's thanksgiving. And I still don't know why, Because I did not ask. So I agree with the other Post that asking questions is almost always what I need to do so that I don't let a story start spinning in my head that isn't true.
I am divorced and I am 50 years old so I've been through this a few times. I've learned that men think entirely differently about these situations. And I have come to accept that if I'm not invited by him there is a reason. In all other situations he treats me wonderfully. I can either ask the reason or I can just accept that for some reason he's not comfortable with it. This year I chose acceptance. I don't like Turkey anyway.
I would like to ask your boyfriend what his thinking was behind his decision. But he might not even have figured it out himself yet. Im glad you tried asking direct questions! Bravo 👏! Sounds like he still has some maturing to do. And as the previous post said, you can either accept it or maybe he's not the right guy. Since he treats you well in all other situations, I think I might give the conversation one more try, to explain and focus on how I felt, and see if i get a more understanding response.
I apologize for posting twice, and i can't find a way to delete one
I feel for your situation.It is very confusing and it hurts. I have experienced similar. I have a new boyfriend of about 4 months now, And he did not invite me to his family's thanksgiving. And I still don't know why, Because I did not ask. So I agree with the other Post that asking questions is almost always what I need to do so that I don't let a story start spinning in my head that isn't true.
I am divorced and I am 50 years old so I've been through this a few times. I've learned that men think entirely differently about these situations. And I have come to accept that if I'm not invited by him there is a reason. I can either ask the reason or I can just accept that for some reason he's not comfortable with it. This year I chose acceptance. I don't like Turkey anyway.
I would like to ask your boyfriend what his thinking was behind his decision. But he might not even have figured it out yet. And as the previous post said you can either accept it or maybe he's not the right guy. I think I might also try explaining my feelings one more time focusing simply on how it made me feel and see if I got a different reaction from him.