New.
Hello,
I am currently not in crisis, but I am coming down from a bad anxiety attack I assume… I feel these days it’s hard to differentiate between that and panic attacks. I am in therapy. I am on lots of meds. I know I have cptsd… may have other issues… I don’t know, I feel very… Like I have never belonged. Lately the word “Neurodivergent” rings a big alarm for me. But who knows, I am from the millennial era. I have always had little to no family support… I grew up being abused by both my narc mother, and alcoholic father… Recently, I left an abusive relationship in March after two years. He was also a narc, an alcoholic, and had a TBI from a traumatic accident where he was left for dead three months into my relationship. It resulted in me losing everything and ending up homeless…
Most recently, I got back on my feet with little to no I support… I have my own apartment again, had my own car again after my ex totaled mine…
Fast forward to July 22. I was in another motor vehicle accident myself… I hit a pedestrian, and she died…
My family was contacted. Preparations had been made in case something happened to me, and if my dog needed care… other than that, everyone, close friends, acquaintances, my family are unavailable for support…
I don’t know where to start. I feel like I am in functional freeze. I need a car. I need financial help. I need mental support from a non existent family… my therapist texted this morning super sick. So I am just trying to find support in other ways to help me thru this… I used to do art. I used to write. I used to love it. Being in panic right now I couldn’t even feed myself till earlier when I forced myself to order food, then feel bad about it… My dishes are dirty… I could really use a grippy socks vacation, but my job, my life, my dog… I can’t… I just need something. Support, words, space… something to break this feeling… They changed my meds recently to fluvoxamine… it had helped the intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation a lot. But my anxiety seems like it’s so bad this last week after going to the higher dose of a full tab…
Can someone please help me find something to break this monotony, to gift myself peace… cheaply… easily… with little to no guilt. Something to look forward to. Something to fill this void… Just for a little bit…
@FridaPie713 I read you and listened to what you said. My heart goes out. I have lived through violent crime on multiple occasions -- very violent ones, where I couldn't call the cops because they were involved. I can't understand exactly what you're going through, but I can empathize with the feeling of loss. You will get through this. Some days, surviving seems like work; other days, there is some relief. Try to count your blessings, periodically, even when it seems ridiculous to do so. If you are able to get out, maybe join a club or support group. If "Grippy-socks vacation" means locking yourself away, please don't that. I succumbed to violent crime in a mental institution. It's not worth it. Anyway __ Peace to you. It's a pleasure to meet you, on here, and I will be thinking of you and praying for you tonight.
@FridaPie713
@FridaPie713 I'm really sorry you had to go through so much. I'm glad you're here ❤️ Please know this is a safe space for you. You're not alone in this, and you truly matter 🤍
I hope you find the support and comfort here, and things start to feel a little lighter 🍀 Sending lots of love to you 🐾💕