New here, alone and in pain
New here. I have been dealing with widespread chronic pain and fatigue for almost ten years.
My world has shrunk and I feel very hopeless most days.
I don't have, nor do I really want friends irl. I don't have much family. No kids. A husband who avoids me, works all the time.
I don't want to be lonely. I want to be content alone, but that's harder than I expected, especially since I have always been a loner.
I guess maybe I just wish I had some purpose more than anything. I feel so useless most days.
So that's why I am here. I gave up social media and feel much more alone than I expected...
@DeeEmelle
This is a complicated situation. It’s hard to feel lonely when you both want to and don’t want to at the same time. But you mentioned a goal. I think it’s important for you to have a small goal. For example, reading 10 pages of a book. Or doing 5 push-ups. Something that will make you feel alive. You are valuable in and of yourself. You have hobbies and interests. You’re in a tough spot, but you’re still you. And I hope you’ll be able to shift that weight of melancholy and depressive thoughts just a little bit.
Thank you for the reply.
When the pain is severe, it's so hard to think or do anything, but I do have breaks in the pain when I feel optimistic at times. I'm trying to accept the pain as part of my life and adapt accordingly. But that's hard...
I guess you are not feeling good for a very long time and thus you push yourself away from people and prefer being alone. But your husband avoiding you makes it worse. I think 7cups is a good place for you, where you can share your bottled up stuffs to a kind stranger without expectation of friendship. Maybe someone here can help you to overcome your problems and live your life peacefully.
Thank you. That's what I am hoping for.🥰
@DeeEmelle
Hello, your situation sounds awful and I cannot picture the amount of stress you are dealing with.
To add onto what the others are saying, I am glad you've come here and taken action to deal with the feelings you are going through. The best recommendation is to keep looking up and try to pack your schedule, you mentioned having chronic pain so no need to overdo it. If you plan to take small steps, try to be as specific as possible (something another smart commenter has pointed out).
Instead of saying "I will read a book" it's better to say something along the lines of "I will read 10 pages of The Odyssey". It's more specific and less exhausting and will allow you to seek joy rather than fall deeper into a constant cycle of wanting friends, loneliness, then loss of motivation to do anything.
Your relationship with your husband sounds a little strained, I don't know what he's like, but I do hope you are able to at least reach out to him or speak with him. I don't know what he's going through but I hope you two at least feel comfortable together.
You may feel alone at the moment, but as you come to enjoy yourself a bit more, I'm sure you will be able to open up to more people and vice versa. The situation with your husband may feel difficult now however as long as you have faith in each other, I'm sure it can turn around. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Take care of yourself and welcome to the community of 7cups.
Thank you so much for the reply and the tips.
My husband can be quite distant and avoidant. His mother used him as an emotional crutch throughout his childhood. It was very unfair to him as a kid. He tends to run away from emotions and hesitates to get involved in emotionally supporting anyone.
His mother is still a strain on the family with her mental/emotional problems. I don't want to be another source of stress for him.
@DeeEmelle
That's very considerate of you. I can't really weigh in on much. But I do hope you are able to get through to him. The relationship with the mother and your husband (I don't know your full stance on her) seems quite one sided?
That definitely leads to feelings of exhaustion. I don't wish to recommend action as that is not my role. But I genuinely hope the situation improves as well as the loneliness you've been experiencing.
@DeeEmelle
Hi Dee *gentle hugs* I live with the same so I can relate. Do you have any hobbies? The one thing I found that gave me some purpose when I started healing was my hobbies. Keeping my mind and my hands focused on something takes my mind off my pain and anxiety.
If you'd like to chat further, PM me!
Hello DeeEmelle!
I can feel your pain. It is a good step that you have chosen to come forward and shared your pain on the platform. That is really brave. It is uncomfortable to share aspects of our life with people who you do not know. I am glad that you could surpass that mental block.
As a Listener, I can neither change your life nor advice you without knowing you properly.
I want to say that you are not useless. Social media can make you feel that you have 'something' in life, but it is not true.
If you feel like talking to someone might help you in some way, please make yourself heard.
I am here for you. 💚
Regards,
ApplePie8587
