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@pluckyStrings9318

I think a diary is quite useful.  I don't keep one, but I have a lot of writings, and reviewing them helps me feel grounded and reminds me of what I've already accomplished, even if it's only in personal philosophy.  

Sometimes self-expectations can make me feel tired.  It's much worse to have a cloud of expectations by others hanging over our heads.  It may help to imagine what it'd be like if there was no one around to expect anything from us.  Then ask ourselves what we'd be wanting to do in the moment.  When it comes to self-care, imagine being on an island all alone.  Would you still want to have intact, clean teeth.  Would you still like to have fresh bed linens?  In other words, what would happen if the expectations of others were no longer a factor?  What you want to do for yourself?  

Having spent a lot of time alone, I discovered that my self-care preferences generally exceeded that of social expectations.  It occurred to me that the better I treated myself, the more confident I felt.  

There's the concept of internal or external "locus of care."  It deals with whether our motivations come from within or the expectations of others.  In many situations, especially in the workforce, expectations of others really are important to consider, but even then, in a lot of things, what we want for ourselves and those expectations often correlate.  

It's a process of evolving finesse to sufficiently meet social expectations while at the same time remaining faithful to our own authenticity.  

@pluckyStrings9318

That's so real. I can relate. It's like people who've never felt so crippled by depression can't understand why someone wouldn't wash their dishes for 5 years causing mold to grow over everything. Or why they'd struggle even getting out of bed to use the bathroom.

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@pluckyStrings9318 hi sweetie welcome to 7 cups 💗I'm Lola it's nice to meet you 💗 it doesn't sound like laziness to me it sounds like depression😕 I know many people here struggle with daily things so your not alone💖 hopefully being here will give you the help you need and deserve💖 trying to be normal is hard work so good luck with that😂 I gave up on trying to be normal years ago. Gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 hope your settling in ok 💖

@pluckyStrings9318 I feel the same ☹️ And I'm glad u have ur diary it helps a lot to me personally writing down my raw thoughts and feelings ❤️ sending lots of love you're way!💕I wish u the best.🍀🤍

I started this and it did make me realize some of my worse thoughts and anguish was in my head. I obsess over things, record those thoughts, then went back and realized my faults.

Its really made me realize I blame myself and make excuses for others bad behavior. Somewhere inside I feel necessary to be the blame of everything. I used to self sabotage but now I hold it in and go off on people rather than taking actions in other physical ways.

My fear of abandonment overshadows alot in my relationship. I accept standards I would never accept because of a constant fear of being left.

Journaling helps me process and understand as im not in a great relationship. Some is me and some is the relationship but it definitely helps me understand and be accountable of my own feelings and actions.