I’m scared

@CalGriffen202

“t’s very lonely but they don’t understand certain things that i do”

Honestly, that rings true for me too. I'll keep it short. A lot of people left me for reasons relating to my ptsd. For example my ex-boyfriend left me for being "too much". It's been several years past what caused my trauma, I don't see any more hope in fixing it. Especially because now I also have to deal with medical trauma on top of the trauma that gave me PTSD in the first place.

Unfortunately, all of these suggestions I have are related to the trauma that I've experienced. Hopefully I can phrase him in a way that it could still apply to somebody who didn't experience the same drama I did. But nonetheless I will try to give the best advice I have.

First get away from whatever caused the trauma. So for example if it was abused, get away from your abusive partner.

Your goal is to get yourself on your feet first. For me getting away from an abusive partner me staying in a homeless shelter. Hopefully working my way up.

Once you're stable financially, it's going to take a while to feel things again. Especially if you only feel negative emotions. In that time, do not worrying about being a "good person". You're not in the state to be worrying about what other people think of you, when you right now are not really feeling existent. This can apply to multiple things such as your rate of "good behavior" or "everyone says this, and if I don't do this, they say that I'll be a bad person". (My opinion on it is that the idea of a good person is vague. Is there really a definition of what a "good person" is? Without looking it up. I'm pretty sure you don't know the exact definition off your head. I certainly don't. Yet, we all have this voice thing that we're a bad person even though we don't know what that is? You may say that you're not being good enough to other people, which might be fair. But nobody blames a starving family for stealing food. Right now, focus on getting your happiness up. Do not worry about what is expected of you, focus on yourself.)

Having online friends counts as having friends. If you don't see a real person in a while you're going to get hay fever. But that doesn't mean you should discount your online friends. They're still important.

Sadly, a lot of people are going to come and hurt you and then leave. A lot of this comes from a lack of understanding. It can really dwindle at your self confidence. It still does even if I don't necessarily feel lonely about it anymore. Even if I'm able to feel happy. But the numbers game is effective. Like, if you picked random for true and false questions 20 times. It's likely that you'll get a right answer just like your luck. There's a lot of people out there, so I think you will just find a friend via the numbers game. Just being around people is enough. Eventually you'll meet somebody who will be your friend, and not hurt you.

i hope this helps

@CalGriffen202

I want you to know that I see you , your pain, and I see your struggle. It is more than anyone should have to bear. I am so so so sorry. Nobody deserves to go through such a phase. But some fellow who told life was unfair , was definitely very wise. I hear you. I understand how it is inherently isolating, how it feels like no one can understand, how it feels like it’s the end, how it feels like there’s no way you’ll be anything but shattered . There are days when it all feels fresh and raw. There are days when you don't know how to function because it was all just too much. Days when you is surrounded by triggers, and don't have any idea how to handle any of them. There are days when all of this and more comes in togather. The ache goes away gradually, it lessens in intensity, but there are fractions and fissures, shadows and echoes that remain.

@CalGriffen202 I can totally understand when you are going through something terrible and u don't have a single person there to console you to understand you. there are somethings that you need at least one person to understand and it hurts the most when you find that person but that person leaves you to rot

I'm really sorry for you.. I hope that you'd fine solace soon,, but if you ever wanna talk it out, ping me on cups. I'll get back to you asap. Don't be scared, you're not alone ❤

@CalGriffen202 I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I relate somewhat and have found myself isolating more than ever for a while because of a variety of reasons, but the most prominent one is that people don't understand me or what I'm going through. I don't even fully understand it. I reached out and found 7 Cups, and after getting to know some people, felt less lonely and found some friends who do understand. I found that there are many people here who relate to me in some way, while I had thought I'm the only one so isolated and lonely. I sincerely hope you find a lot of comfort and support here. I also wish you healing 💚

@CalGriffen202

I'm a bit late but I'm really sorry Cal! You seem to be in a lot of pain, my heart aches for you. Hope this pain will ease.

Hope you post your gratitudes, or just some random experience in forums, in that way iso.lation will reduce. Then slowly you may start talking to people again. I'm so sorry :( Lots of love to you <3

@CalGriffen202

Hi, I'm Lily :)

It sounds like things are really tough for you right now and you are carrying everything alone :( I am often online around this time for a few hours most nights, feel free to come and chat, I would love to listen to and support that, you are not alone.

@CalGriffen202

I wholeheartedly relate with this post. I know exactly what it feels like to try to reach out or relate but being around the people that are supposed to be support was actually worse and I completely isolated myself for periods of time.

Regardless, you have a place here to vent, or find support but I hope it feels that way to you because that’s what matters most. Suffering with PTSD or any trauma can be unbearable and it can feel like being revictimized when you go to therapy, or talk to others around you even for small things because they aren’t supportive in the way you need.

In terms of relating, I’m very sorry you feel so alone; it’s a terrible feeling. One thing I can think of related to this I heard from a person name Andrei Lankov “To not have your suffering recognized is an almost unbearable form of violence.”

Never doubt or question reaching out to listeners on here, maybe if one doesn’t seem right, try another but what’s fundamental is to do the things that help you on your healing journey so whatever this is, step by step, in the process and don’t let others make you feel wrong for that.

❤️Rose

@CalGriffen202

Hi,

I was just wondering about the same, if only i could have even one person who understood my trauma and how much i am trying to do the work - every single day. I sometimes imagine i have a friend who knows all my history and accepts me the way i am and believes i am a work in progress. I don't know if i will ever actually have someone like that, but sometimes hoping is the only thing that gives me relief. Hang in there.

@CalGriffen202

Hey, I hope your day is getting better.

Sometimes, it's more important to know how you feel, because in the end, you love and care about yourself more than anyone else. Feel free to let some of that bad energy out!