Looking for a Support
Hello, something's wrong with me. I feel ashamed but I really need support because it's important. I got a new job waiting for me but I'm not submitting my documents. Something's wrong with me. Can I ask someone to closely support me for just two weeks? :( In advance, I don't have access to therapy so any suggestions about that feel unhelpful to me.
@RainyDays2020
Im here to talk if you want ❤What's making you feel ashamed?
@Optimisticempath i dont know what to say, im just not myself.
@RainyDays2020
Is something bothering you?
Acknowledging what is going on can help in knowing , try small steps I'm here for you ❤
@Optimisticempath my break up but its been five months so im not sure if its right for me to use it as an excuse anymore. I just feel stuck.
@RainyDays2020 aw I'm sorry , breakups suck 😔
There's no timeline, you can take as much time to feel the loss and for it to affect you , it is hard to gain control on our emotions I understand ❤
I'm here if you wanna talk
Sorry to hear about the breakup @RainyDays2020, I’ve definitely been there…
Not sure how to word this properly so I do apologize if I sound crass but… you guys broke up for a reason, and now you have a fresh start! You can focus on YOU. You’re single, you don’t have to make compromises for anyone else but YOURSELF.
When I became single after an arduous 3 year abusive relationship with my alcoholic ex….I felt FREE. I won’t lie, I was heartbroken for a while. I had a child with this man, and we saw both the best and worst out of each other. We had an on and off relationship, because I would try to escape the abuse, but was reeled back in, thinking he changed and will stop drinking [only lasts a few months, then he’d take his anger out on me…]
What got me over it was a mental list that I made…
1) I don’t have to worry about being physically/financially/verbally abused!
2) I’m free to be myself without changing who I am.
3) I do miss affection/love/cuddles/intimacy, but I can always find someone else, there’s plenty of fish in the sea! [and I don’t necessarily need a serious relationship to get any of things tbh…Already have a “cuddle buddy“ for 6-7 months, but…I might move on for other reasons and find someone less confusing and can communicate their needs/wants better…]
4) This is a new chapter of my life, I now know what red flags to look out for, what mistakes not to make, and have set many goals for myself.
5) I’m slowly learning to love myself again…I do self care whenever I have a chance alone, I’m a lone wolf and prefer doing things solo to be honest…I’m more productive that way…so… as bad as it sounds… I just miss being alone when I’m in a relationship. I always had to compromise to the other person, and felt I couldn’t just be ME. [though if its a good relationship… I doubt I would’ve felt this way…]
Sorry if its not helpful…I only speak from my experience, I had an abusive ex, I don’t know what its like to have an amicable breakup with a normal/decent person…
@RainyDays2020 I’m good at getting stuck. Ambivalence about whether I should take an action isn’t easily turned into action. My tactic is usually to let ambivalence win for awhile, and then take a step toward my goal, resting back into ambivalence for awhile, then getting up and taking another step. On the other hand, I have at times just powered through and ignored whatever hesitation I had. The last time I did that, it was not the best choice in hindsight. But the thing is, we may not know what “the right choice” is. We can’t be expected to know future outcomes. I’m not a fortune teller. But I often find myself very actively “trying” to be. When I recognize that I have slipped into that habit, it gives me a little “space”. That is, I get a little mental relief - I can step back from the choice I am trying to make and lessen the burden (somewhat) of making a choice. It sounds like you have a couple of weeks to work through this. My advice is to stop fighting your ambivalence. That doesn’t mean “give in” to your resistance, but don’t try to conquer it either. It may be trying to tell you something, and you may or may not get it to “tell you” exactly what that is. Sometimes taking small steps toward your goal is enough to remove some resistance. Maybe you have done everything you can and the only thing left is “pressing send” to submit the documents you mentioned. In that case, maybe you can ask yourself some questions. Maybe something like, “I would be more willing to peruse this job if…”, or, “I know this job will benefit me, but I am sure that it will have these drawbacks…” These may not be the best questions. The point of the questions shouldn’t necessarily elicit an answer where you’re clear about a solution. Ambivalence is a friend who doesn’t necessarily respond to point blank questions. If it did, it wouldn’t be called ambivalence. Eventually you will make a choice. It will literally be the best choice you could make given all the internal and external variables. You are asking for help, and that says to me that you are taking the process of choosing seriously. Above all else in this process, be kind to yourself.
Hi @RainyDays2020,
It sounds like perhaps you have cold feet?
If I’m wrong, I do apologize…
To be honest, I’ve self-sabotaged myself many of times when it comes to job searching.
I either a) Felt unworthy OR unsure of the job, b) Didn’t exactly “like” the job, even though I’m good at that specific field, but forced myself to at least apply and maybe do an interview with them at the most, unless I fled that too or… c) Just too overwhelmed with everything going on in my life that I just… didn’t complete what I needed to…
I’ve also been job hopping for a while now and actually got many raises that way[with maybe a few decreases in between jobs, but not too bad].
I guess my advice to you, as an old kibitzer, would be to take one step at a time and just know that jobs aren’t permanent. Its OK if you try out this job, and don’t like it. There’s many jobs out there. It is also OK if you decide NOT to do the job, especially if you feel uncertain or have a gut feeling you might not like it. If you’re worried about your financial situation, there are resources out there that can help you, while you job search. Not sure what country you live, but where I currently reside, there’s a job program that trains people (for free) into 2-4 year certification for specific fields[medical, business, trades, etc], once you complete it, they help you find a job right away. The only thing about this program is you have to between 16-24y.o, live with roommates on their campus, and maybe some other requirements. I’m not entirely sure, I haven’t done it myself personally when I was around those ages.
Theres also always job agencies, where a recruiter will try and help find a job that matches your skill set and what type of job you’re looking for. Most are temp to perm I believe.
If worse comes to worse, apply for unemployment while you take your time and find something you truly enjoy doing.
I’m not sure how you feel about this new job, but perhaps go ahead and submit the documents, check out and see if you might like the job, and if you don’t, please don’t feel bad if you decide to leave it early on, its OK. If you end up liking the new job, then congrats! I am happy that it went for you.
