One irrational fear that I have is.....
That something bad is going to happen to my body and my medical team will be to late to help me since I have been telling them what is wrong and they aren't helping me at all.
Being too pushy. I don't want to make people uncomfortable. .
Vomiting. I have a completely irrational fear of vomiting. I don't know why, but even the idea of it can make me have panic attacks.
Feeling worthless
If I have a shower or take care of myself or regard myself kindly, I'll be punished. But if I don't do those things, I'll also be punished. Thanks trauma.
Well, not treating myself kindly was preferrable. That one was always only one way. But taking care of myself, I'd be punished if I did, punished if I didn't - by the abusive parent that raised me. Whatever would keep me torn down and dependent on her. And the trauma from all those years has taken its toll. Emotionally, it's like it's still very much happening, even if I'm living independently now, far enough away from her that she wouldn't actually show up at my door. She wouldn't have any way of knowing I was taking a shower. She doesn't have a special spidey sense that tells her when I'm showering and that she needs to get in the car and find out where I live and drive to punish me. It's irrational.
The fear is slightly more schewed towards being more fearful of doing things that empower me than failing to do them. She always needed to have a clean child to show off so she could reap the praise of being such a good parent. But I was taught to care for myself in relationship to her wants. If she didn't get what she wanted, it's punishment, but if I did too much self-care and threated her control of me (which took away her child support and a way for her to feel powerful), I would be too confident. It'd stand out to her. I feel as though I'd attract her wrath and punishment to myself if I did too much, felt too happy, expressed myself too authentically.
Im scared of dying and no one remembers about me
Losing a loved one.
@Laura
Idk how irrational this is, but my biggest fear is that I will never know love. I will never know true love and I will die alone, that is my biggest fear. I think this because all I seem to do is fall for people who are bad for me, I accept their abuse as love, and idk why. I'm really afraid of dying unloved.
That I have so many fake personas that I don't actually have a set personality and I'm always playing the part of whoever I need to be in that moment.
@Boneyard i can feel you too
I have a fear of severe weather events and natural disasters. I have gotten better about it, but I'm still freaked out during thunderstorms and during wind storms at night. I used to lay awake at night literally waiting for earthquakes, and I would flip out anytime I saw a dark cloud.
