One secret I have been keeping that I am ready to share is....
I had a long distance relationship for about three months right begore I discovered I was an ace. The only reason why I was dating him was because I thought something was wrong with me and that a relationship would change that.
Secretly in love with somebody. They seemed interested then turned me down. I feel lost over it because of how this person made me feel. That it was just a lie for show. A friend urged me to just ask him on a date and I wish I never had because our friendship disappeared after that. He didn't turn out to be the nicest person either. Once I had to report that he was suicidal and he was so mad and called me names and never apologized. I felt hurt by this person I thought I could trust.
I have other people inside my head and they help me with dealing with things. I'm scared to go to therapy though because I don't know if it will help all of us. I just talk in my chat rooms and hope for the best but honestly I don't even feel like myself anymore.
That I was abused as a kid and it's made me terrified to have or be around children because I don't want to treat them the way I was treated.
I have Bipolar type 1, and I'm high functioning. I'm Med compliant, I work full time and I'm married to my favorite person ever. I spent years with my doctors, finding the right combo of meds. I work, I love. I'm close to my family and I have friends I've known since Kindergarten.
It's not easy, though. I've had side effects from meds so severe that I needed new meds to control my side effects. I've done everything I was supposed to, and beat the odds to build my life.
...I had a mini stroke (TIA) earlier this week. My blood pressure and cholesterol were horrifying, even on Statins. I'm 38 years old, and the average mortality rates for my disorder are about a loss of 25 years compared to a neurotypical. I'm terrified. 😔
Sometimes I think that I am incapable of love.
I care deeply for those I believe I love, but what does that really mean? I have always been there for my friends when they needed me most since I consider them family. But what of all the times I wasn't there--when things were fine for them?
I say, "I love you." But I always question what it means now that I have someone in my life that I truly know loves me. I know what love looks like now that I have it, but I'm not sure if I have ever felt it.
I don't like blaming things on my mental disorders--ADHD/Aspergers--but I am unsure if my inattentiveness (a symptom of both disorders) is the reason I question my ability to love.
I might be bisexual but I fully can't see it now like being in a physical relationship with a girl, but it's like I want to be more open with it. I want to tell one of my friends who are L/G/B but I don't want to yet since I'm not sure if I really am yet.
I'm angry more often than I'd like to be and it affects my life a lot and I don't see a way out. Other people who act disrespectful or judge me really get underneath my skin. Not only do I get really pissed off at people who wrong me, or stigmatize me or ostracize me (especially without knowing me). I wish harm upon them, and it grates me like fingernails on a chalkboard to hear their voice or see them around. I also have bad coping habits like smoking, or drinking, or having really intense anxiety avoiding any potential contact with the people I don't like that live in my building, which makes me feel simultaneously resentful and anxious. This makes life with disabilities as an outcast even more difficult, because sometimes it feels like the world is against me, when I am being looked at so differently, and I don't fit into any friend-groups at my school being 10 years older than most people here.
That I am someone's mistress
I'm not interested in anyone sexually,and i'm scared. My family thinks i'm gay,and I let them because it's easier than having them think i'm a cold loveless being incapable of love.But strangely enough I crave intimacy,like hugs and cuddles,just no sex.I really hope to meet someone willing to give that