One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}

I always have crush with every male best friend i had. No courage to tell, and i think its also to cheesy to tell, i think they wont accept and they find it funny. I am sick of being weak for feelings, i easily touched by heart and loving, trusting people so easily. I see the positive side of them, but i dont think people will do the same way to me. and thats why they start to hurt

I have set myself up for failure and I don't regret it.

As a kid I HATED school. Mainly waking up in the mornings, but really I hated every aspect of it. I dropped out at 6th grade, went back at 7th, dropped out at 8th grade, and have been "home schooled" ever since. Which consists of me watching tv and eating junk all day, and feeling sorry for myself. I occasionally go to a tutor for a hour class, but come on, who the fuck is gonna hire me? I stress every day that I will be forced to move out at 18, only two years away, and I will not be able to support myself, not to mention my pets. I live with the fact that I will more than likely kill myself on my 18th birthday, and if don't, then I'll be living on wellfair, packcheck to paycheck.That's no way to live.

i feel rejected easily, getting better now

I am panicking easily

I keep my fairy lights up in my living room all year round because Christmas was the only time I was truly happy as a child and I'm desperately clinging to it.

i dont know who he is

I feel insicure evry time i have to interact with pepole. it just makes me feel stressed and anxious. i always skip talking to strangers or going at parties with lame excuses.

I despise nearly every single aspect of myself.. and I dont know how to express my feelings and so I become abusive in relationships. I am disgusting

Im trying to find my identity again (or discover it all together) after being gas lit for years. My childhood trauma is surfacing, and dealing with it Christmas is agonizing.

I'm afraid that my anxiety will get in the way of me learning how to drive or get a job. My mom constantly tells me that she's afraid it'd be a bad idea so I have to end up putting it off more. I just can't live like this anymore. I can't be trapped in this house with this family. They expect me to just go on with my life as if I'm not scarred from the way they treated me. I need to get out of here, but I need a car and money to do it. I'm afraid that I'll end up stuck heree forever.