One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}

How hard it is to live everyday when I just want to give up

I'm 13 and I feel like the world is just totally crazy, and I feel like I know something important that no one else knows. I feel like I'm going insane inside: I think too much, my head feels like it's going to explode! I'm tired of feeling so small and having no motivation, I have a fixed mindset, too. Basically I guess I have potential but am just stuck.

I see no point in living or surviving in this kind of world.

I have another thing:

I had depression from 5th to 7th grade, and I strode around with a forced smile on my face. I truly loved a boy (yes, not just a crush. Children can love, too. I matured pretty early on.) and I thought he did too. He tore my heart to shreds and I cried every night for 1 and a half years after the fateful day. I also lost part of my memory from 5th grade.

My THIRD thing:

I think I had amnesia when I was a young child. I remember just waking up, and seeing one of those yellow hazard signs in my head. All my memories are after that. I was 6 1/2 years old, everything else I get from pictures and videos. What the heck?! Did I get in a freaking car accident or something?! Also I have a pretty good memory, so...

I'm hurting more than I lead people to believe. They see the surface of my pain..that's all.

I'm not in love with my husband but in love with the man I always have wanted

For many times, I've thought about killing myself when I was in high school.

I'm doing my best to forget her... it's 3:15 am and I'm drunk again.. she was the first woman that I ever made a home with.. she put me through hell and I still can manage to let her go.. I just want it to stop..@Laura

why would i tell you if i planned to keep it safe with myself ?