One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}

One thing that I never told anyone was that I once tried to cut myself, but it was too painful so I didn't continue on, I went to pills

I sometimes I feel worthless and I just do want to be here at all

@Laura that i spent 8 years being tortured and abused and i lost my little girl to the system trying to protect her from him. I have more than once tried to die

@Laura i lost my virginity to a boy who i thought loved me but sadly it was not so now i feel cheated

I look confident and comfortable in the outside, but I'm constantly doubting myself. I lied to the guy I started to date and said I wasn't a jealous person, but I'm so insecure I might as well be jealous.

That I want to let go and lose control completely, just once, even if it is just to analyze how much of a danger I can be, when I lose control.

i have psychosis and experience hallucinations and delusions

... how much I truly, deeply hate myself.

I suppose I have one more...something that not even I knew til today...

I'm not even sure what triggered a couple of memories from my late elementary school years to come back, and I'm not even sure if they're real or not....

But I'm getting flashes of "playing doctor" with my best friend, playing a truth or dare type game with a friend a year older than me where we mooned or flashed my brother (who's 3 years younger than me) at one point, and what seemes to be me simulating having sex with my brother.

I have no idea where these memories/nightmares (the flashes of these have a dream like quality to them, so I'm not sure if they're even real) are coming from or if I'm just seeing/imagining things.

But either way I'm now terrified that I've done something horrible and repressed it all these years or that I have some sort of new mental issue that's just cropping up now (I'm 25)...and if it's the former, what the hell else am I not remembering?!

I'm really starting to freak out about this and I'm getting close to having a panic attack/complete break down about this.

I have imaginary friends whom I hangout with on a daily basis instead of actual people.