One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}
Just... blurt it out! Don't be nervous! Make your secrets not so secret....
I wouldn't mind dying.
@Jineane Iv had similar thoughts and have come to realise that im more curious then anything. Sadly I have experience the other side of the situation with a friend, were I lost them and felt what it's like to be left behind. So I know that the people around are greatful for you just to be there. I don't know if you wanted a comment but I needed to say something
@powerfulComputer8085 This was actually very helpful, thank you. I didn't think anyone would notice. But I see your point and I agree. I know I could never take my own life though, knowing it would be completely selfish. It's just that if I was in a situation to where it was possible, I wouldn't try so hard to live, if that makes sense? I don't know. I'm so confused about everything and it's just hard. I don't like thinking this way...
@Jineane that make a lot of sense. Iv found myself confused lately to and wishing I could understand some things. I'm not even sure specifically what is confusing me, It seems like it all just get jumbled together and I don't have what I need to untangle it. My tendency is to pull away from those things but I think that just makes it harder when you do. At the moment I can't remember lots of things I would normerly, it get worse as the jumble gets bigger. Do you forget things? That's what scares me the most
@powerfulComputer8085 I don't necessarily forget things, and I can see how that's really scary. But I have these meltdowns often now, which scare the crap out of me. I just can't handle it, I go into this incontrollably sobbing stage and I just can't stop. It happens when I see or think of something it just triggers the meltdown randomly. But I understand you. Everything is just jumbled together and nothing makes sense anymore. It's all too much go take in, and it's so overwhelming. I don't know how to deal with it either. There is just so much going on and everything.
I've been through depression and I made it through it. I feel myself some days going back but prayer helps
One thing I have never told anyone is that I have been thinking of ways to make myself blind so I dont have to see anyone judge me anymore.
I use to just wish it but now I actually want to do it.
@goodPear7279 Why do you think people judge you?
One thing I've never told anyone is that I feel depressed most of the time and struggle with thoughts of suicide
That when I was 9 I finally was able to tell my mother, and my family, that her husband had been molesting me regularly, like multiple times a week, for the past 3 years or so and she flipped the f out...for like a week. Then I was instructed to keep it to myself and pretend it never happened and they are still happily married 20 years later.
@Yellowvinyl you must have been very brave and are still to tell us. Keep strength
@Tryingtobenormalgirl12
Thank you.
Simone is mean
i have really bad suicidal ideation and i can't imagine myself graduating college and having a real life, i don't know if i will make it that far. i don't know if i will ever recover from my mental illnesses, and i would rather die than live with them.
@makraeowe that is very overwhelming. It is a difficult life stage, it you really think about it, you have known school your whole life, don't know anything else, then you don't know what job you want , when you will get a job, when/ if you will get married or have kids or have the job you want, the list goes one. I think this is or will be the scariest time in your life, just like all the 50 years I've talk to, said they hated their 20s. People are not made to like uncertainties. I had a hard time with this, and still am, just graduated 3 years ago and felt the same way and acted on it but got help from the hospital program. What I've learned us that 1) assumptions are my worst enemy because I don't know if that will really happen and thus I am wasting tmy energy Ion thinking about how this will not work, and wasting g time that I can use to relax or problem solve tbe situation and these worries cause a lot of pain, not physical pain but a different kind 2) suicidal thoughts are your body's fire alarm system that says things are getting overwhelmingly/ too much change, it doesn't mean you want to die, just that there is lots going on, and no matter how small you think it is, it's not small if it is of importance to you.
@reservedexcitment 3) I need to spend time on sorting out my feelings/ thoughts. I personally need to write them on paper and then read them over and respond to them. I also need to do mindfulness meditation to get rid of the congestion brain, too many thoughts clogging it all up. Also Earl grey bergamot tea helps me to relax and bring down the anxiety. Theseare my stress management tools, that work for me, different people have different ones that work for them, if you want more ideas m,esaage me and we can try to find ones that work for you. Oh and exercise also is a big help for me, that seems to work for everyone. 4) we don't know, what we don't know 5) this too shall pass 6) as long as you put your efforts forth, that's all that counts, if all Hell breaks loose around you, you have nothing to do with it.
@makraeowe 7) make a safety plan 8) figure out who is helpful for what need that needs satisfying. E.g some are great at listening compationately, others that kind of stuff makes them uncomfortable or they just suck at it and makes things worse. Some are great to have fun with so you dont feel lonely, some are great cooks and you know if yoy dont have energyto cook, they will welcome unexpected guests and feed them. Go to the person that can do the job well. 9) it's okay to ask for help, we all need help. I am the person that is always there to help others, and when I ended up in the hospital for a suicide attempt and she later found out, she was upset with me, she said I helped her out so many times in life and when I needed help, I didn't ask her, she said she was waiting g to return the favor but I never let her, that friendship was soon over. But the point there is that people do want to help, let them in. 10) it could be biological and you might need meds, nothing is wrong with taking g meds, I had to try a few had some bad side effects but changes the meds, then we eventually figured out the combination that worked, iny case, only half way, but that's better than zero, I'll take it! The other half is elbow grease. Learning to work around the problems. Learning to live with the concentration issues and clogged brain and thoughts of suicide.
@makraeowe I honestly know what you feel like and it is an awful place to be. I've wanted to run away from myself but everywhere I ran, myself will follow, I felt like I was my own assassin, the most dangerous person to myself ( I.e. me) always knew where I was, afraid. Also the pain was so intense for so long, I wondered why it was okay for a person with cancer to say to the doctor's they had enough of life they want to go but it wasn't okay for me to do that, although I was in intense pain for over 3 years and had to suffer silently, a hatred for cancer patients grew ( sorry but that is an opinion of mine, I don't expect people to see things the same way as I do). When someone says they have cancer or have to go to treatment and they have side effects, that's different than saying you have depression and have to go for treatment and have side effects, a double standard. I was paralyzed for 3 months, literally could not move, didn't eat for a month, lost over 30 lbs in 3 months ( went from 150lb to 120lb and I'm 5"2, so that gives you an idea at how usual that weight loss is), I was confused at times because of the congestion in the brain by the amount of thoughts, once good at driving directions, I could not find my home on more than one occasion. People are oblivious as to how life ruining depression can be. It takes away the most important years of your life.
@makraeowe you will get through all of this, let people help, try to find hope and be kind and nurturing to your self. Please stay safe! 💞. The world needs you. 😊
1)That I've always wanted a twin sibling of the opposite gender to mine. For some reason, it always made me think as a child that that would have boosted my confidence and gotten rid of my social anxiety, especially around the opposite gender. It's okay now, I'm older and fit in better.
2)That I don't like the way I look...
I think I obsess over things to avoid giving attention to my responsibilities.
I wanna be friends with this group of girls but I can't be and its so sad
@frerardsprincess I know how you feel
